These days I have been reading Jon Acuff's book: START. This book is wrecking all of mindsets that I have had. I love love that this book is complementing what God has been showing me about fear having such a stronghold within my life. The tag line to go along with the title of his book is this phrase: "Punch fear in the face. Escape average. Do work that matters." I used to believe in awesome- fully, wholeheartedly, unashamedly. But then voices entered into my grid, into my mindset, into my beliefs. I forgot my awesomeness. I allowed some dreams to drift and others to disintegrate. Some dream deaths were good and others I want to revive back to life. I allowed some voices that I do not value or really care about their opinion to shape my view of me. But I'm back. I'm back. And it feels amazing. I choose to embrace my awesomeness. I choose to literally punch my fears in the face. It may not be a smooth or easy path, but easy and average and normal will no longer be invited to be words that define me. I am a hard worker. I am beautiful. ( a 17 year truth that was destroyed and is coming to life once again!!) I am worth being pursued by a sexy, passionate man of God. *giggle*... I am a world changer, a world shaker, a tide changer. I am my Beloved's and He is mine. *smile*
I still do not have answers to some pretty game changer questions, but I do know that I trust Him. He is trustworthy. God, I trust you open handedly with my life, my future, my dreams.... all of me for all of you!!! For Your Kingdom!
There is a pretty amazing worship song that has a bridge that says:
"You make all things work together for my good" .... that is truth as evidenced by Romans 8.28. But I say, there is more. I do not want my life to work out for my good. I want my life to be poured out for Kingdom. I will gladly and with joy sacrifice all of my dreams and desires for my God. I will gladly surrender my desire to be a wife. I will with joy lay down my deep passion for youth. I will take all of my dreams for international missions and place them at His feet. I will walk away from all of these. Not because it is easy or comfortable... but because I love Him more. I love my Jesus more than I want a husband. I love my Jesus more than I want to serve in youth ministry. I love my Jesus more than I want to run to the nations. My heart beats to a different drum of what the current culture dictates. So, when I say that I have only been in a relationship with one man, it because I'm a girl who knows her heart and the rhythm within my heart. There will be a man that will come into my life and we will go to the nations together, we will pray with passion and fervency and see God bring forth healing's and deliverance and restoration, we will love each other deeply and passionately and discover a brand new level of holy. I believe that He will come and find and pursue me as God brings me to him like God brought Eve to Adam. It will be beautiful and powerful and my heart waits expectantly. Until then, I place those desires and dreams and longings into my Jesus because He is faithful. His faithfulness is trustworthy.
So, Jesus, I give you each desire and dream- laying them upon the altar as Abraham laid his son, Isaac. And upon laying them down, I will say with my every breathe, I choose You. I value You above this- beyond that. I love You more.
I pray God that you would build into my life Your character more deeply. Teach me to love the way you love. Reveal whoYou are to me more and more like exploring the depths of the ocean.
I don't have to know- I choose to lean into you as you mold into me....
"...the boldness of Esther, meets the warm closeness of Ruth. Where the hospitality
of Lydia is in line with the submission of Mary, which is engulfed by the tears of a
praying Hannah. I will be the one drenched in Proverbs 31..."
-Janette-ikz ("I will wait for you")
