Completely random thought about commercials, showing up, and embracing your ness!

Random thought***The best commercials… *ahem* Apple, Folgers…. are those in which they celebrate their product, where they lure you into the wondering of how your life will continue without their product. I have realized, in my opinion, its not the ones comparing their product to other companies and how much better they are… those are not the amazing and memorable ones… minus the Mac vs. PC … that was epic. But other than that, its the one where they are confident, bold, filled with courage in their own right. I feel like this with relationships. I work in a restaurant, so, I hear conversations about how there is competition for a certain guy…. when I'm thinking- "Girl, you are awesome! Rock that and if he doesn't pursue, that's not your battle." I have never been the jealous type…. I did have it happen one time…. but the girl and I are now friends and we laugh about it--- it took a couple years for me to tell her… but oh the laughter… but in all honesty, what do I need to be jealous about. I believe that I am amazing, beautiful in my Amy-ness. One day a man will love all of my Amy-ness and I'll love all of his ness. Just my thoughts…. so, you whoever you might be that might be reading these random-ness words…. Rock your ness. Be brave with who you are… not comparatively, but confident in who you are! Truth.

BEST commercials….EVERRRRRR:::

vs.

**hilarious, oh yes, but not as awesome as the amazingness of Folgers and its coffee love presented in the first, eh? *smile*

what a year can do to the heart ||

Almost one year ago, there was quite the ice storm. It resulted in being snowed in for a few days because Nashville is not equipped to handle the snowy and icy goodness. One afternoon, the roommates were being introverted in their rooms, so, I grabbed my Bible and journal… and began with, well, God, we have all the time in the world to talk today. I began seeking Him and enjoy the time with Him until He spoke very clearly and asked me to give him my heart for missions and all of the dreams connected to that dream. It took two and half hours for me to resolve myself to obey even though I did not understand and could not wrap my heart and mind around why. A year later, I see why. I see the way it was a strong idol in my life. I see how it was stealing my affections from my God. I see how I was using it as a safe wall in romantic relationships. I see how it was incredibly unhealthy. As my one year approaches of this monumental moment, He has not reawakened that dream. He has not encouraged it onwards. He has not given me permission to dream again in that realm, but I can now honestly say, that is okay. I trust Him. I am so thankful for the patience of my God as I peeled off my fingers clinging to that dream. I really had attached pieces of my identity to that dream. It took me two to three months ish to even talk to God about that realm. I felt mad at Him, and yet now I see. Not only did it break down an idol within me that was ridiculously unhealthy, but it has also added the foundation of the history I have with my God and the way He works even if I don't always understand it.

Since then, He asked me to lay down other areas, and although I only see glimpses of the why and do not know see in the fog and dark places what He is doing. I trust Him. I trust His heart for me….. I'm asking boldly for what I want it to look like --- kingdom, missional, adventurous, bold…. letting go of the timeline, and leaning into Him…. and it feels pretty great.

The builders of this building do not know it, but this is my building. This is the building I referenced in a previous blog about how a building doesn't go up overnight…. this is along the first part of my running route that splits out after this point depending on what way I want to go. I saw the clearing of the land, the months upon months of preparing and creating the foundation. The walls did literally go up within a week, but the foundation was formed in hiddenness… in time when driving by, it did not seem like a whole lot of work was going on to the outside eye…. but this I know… that was not true. The foundation for this building took time. It took a lot of effort. It took hard work. However…. 

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"if you get the foundation right…"

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Something pretty powerful in me that happened in 2015 was falling in love. I fell in love with a man. I have never loved a man to the depth that I did with this one. It was one-sided and I have had to process that as I have walked forward. It is okay. He doesn't feel for me the way I feel for him, and that's okay. I have had to realize that does not speak to my worth or who I am. It is okay. One day he will feel for a girl deeply and realize that is why he never felt for me that I have for him. I also believe strongly, there is a man who will come into my life one day who will fight for me, cherish, want to walk through life hand in hand with me, and who will love me deeply. On a run yesterday, Holy Spirit was showing me how through loving this man one sidedly, I have gotten a taste of what God feels for us as the men and women He loves. He loves us deeply, passionately, and wants to share life and the adventures together, but some do not feel the same way. It doesn't change the way He feels for us. It doesn't change the love He exceedingly pours out on us. Just like this man not feeling for me did not change my feelings for him. I have since had to let go and go with the waves of missing him, and my love for Him, but they are dissipating. I am thankful God's love for us doesn't dissipate. I feel so much closer to the situation of those far from God and His love as a result of love this man one sidely… interesting how the adventures of life teach us in ways we could never have anticipated. Beautiful. 

home. ***

nashville, tennessee
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Right now, I consider this to my home. The place where when I travel, I always come back to. I am originally from Cincinnati, Ohio// Northern Kentucky, and yet, when I go home, it makes me smile, and the people make it feel homey….but it doesn't evoke what I feel when I come home to Nashville. This surprises me so. I moved to this beautiful city almost four years ago following the voice of my God who said to "Go. Trust Me." I accepted Ericka's invitation to move and live together, and like they say, the rest is history. When did it become home I am not quite sure. Was it when I gained community through KSA volleyball and had a group of people I cared deeply for. Or was it when I realized about a week before classes started that I really really really wanted to graduate from Middle Tennessee State University. Or was it when God united me with an incredible extraordinary friend to walk through the social work program with. Or was it when I fell in love… one sided, yes, but still oh the power of love on the human heart. Or was it when I've been applying for jobs and although I have applied from Seattle, California, Canada, Colorado, Maine… realizing it would be a magnificent adventure to stay here in my Nashville home. I don't know the moment it happened, but it did. So thankful for this Tennessee beautiful city…. curious where the next step may lead, but I'm following His voice. It's a blank canvas for Him to splash colors all over… *smile*

Ski adventures in the in between***

I went skiing. With Chad, Megan, and Brian! It was a great trip- refreshing-relaxing-revitalizing… there were indeed moments of awkward… sometimes you just have to go with it….oh goodness. There were some extraordinary moments throughout the journey. We went to West Virginia to Snowshoe Mountain. I have gone skiing ALOT! I enjoy it… but it has been about 4 years since I had gone… and I had never skied a mountain. Perfect North was my ski spot for years on end. You arrive at the parking lot/lodge and then you take the ski lift to the various slopes ranging in difficulty. So, imagine my surprise and we arrive, park, and we are at the top of a mountain. I could not remember to ski, and now I have to ski down a mountain. I knew my muscle memory would kick in because I did it a lot…. but here I am having to remember as I ski down a mountain. Oh the mental game I had to fight. So, the other three are like, let's go… as I'm trying to get my ski boots into my ski's.. Hilarious. I was half laughing because I was so uncertain if I was going to get through the day alive. So, I begin to ski with some amazing and incredible encouragement from Chad. He kept saying that they would help me and encourage me. So kind. So kind. So thankful for his friendship, and this trip made me so excited for Megan and him too!! I digress…. so, I start trying to ski hoping my muscle memory will kick in sooner than later as I speed down the mountain. Skiing/Snowboarding is such a mental sport. You allow an ounce of fear to come in and you're tumbling down the slope… or you get distracted and are not focused on where your ski's are, what the slope looks like, those around you… tumble onwards…. I remembered this, so, the night before I was mentally preparing. Preparing to not be held back by fear, to not allow the cliffs and drop off's around me to keep me from skiing fully. The theme mentally quickly became::  "It's just you and me Jesus"…. Such a sweet adventure to share with Him! *smile* … yes I tumbled, quite a few times. My friend Brian tumbled near me on the steep side of a slope and was a God sent because I do not know without him if I would have had the courage and strength to get back after losing me ski poles and detaching from my ski… luckily the ski stayed with me! I tumbled, yes… and some of my bones reminded me how restricted I am when trying to get back up…. but you know what, we tried a precision section with ramps and rails the second half of the day. Brian goes down, Megan encouraged me and then went down to show me how it wasn't as hard core as it looked… When I asked Chad if I could go a different way and meet them down there, he encouraged and challenged me to step up to the challenge and that he would make sure nothing would happen to me. He directed me on where to go if I didn't want to do the ramps, and he's right, I did it… and went around the jumps for the first bit of the hill, and then I thought why not…. why play it safe and went for one of the big jumps where I was in the air for a bit and not only did I fly, but I landed it! The girl who was uncertain about skiing the mountain at first, took the challenge and went aerial!!!! It was exhilarating and amazing… if I lived around slopes, I would probably be a ski chick! Heck yes. Amazing. It was awesome.