Yesterday, I went on a lovely hike/interval trail running adventure to Smith Park. It is a very idyllic park. The trail had steep inclines, rocky trails, bridges, tunnels, bursts of sunshine areas alongside shaded… all of the wonderful pieces of a good, short, hike/trail.. even wondrous trail markings!
After looking over the map, I decided to take on the blue perimeter trail. It began with a steep incline I ran for the first about 1/4 of a mile and then decided to not destroy my lungs before I had really begun. Aside from the rocky steep trail piece, I did run almost the entirety. The uphill beginning was quite intense, and the downhill on the other side was quite lovely…dancing around the rocks as I fought gravity and embraced it in the same moment. The trail markings were Blue 1 up into Blue 21. Every sign post was a celebration proceeding into the next push.. and it got me thinking about having goals like that. Sugar free September created a focus around staying away from every dessert and it began the line of thinking of how many habits could I form or change by harnessing that one concept. Because I am on mission, but my rhythm and pace… and even people I am running with could be different at post 3 than it is at post 14. I was tempted to slow down and relent my pace, but it was a continuous not giving myself or my body any other options than 100%. I'm also learning that me giving that 100% is going to come against resistance.
The voices this weekend screamed at me was "You are not enough. You are second choice. You are not worth the pursuit." Even at a leadership evening for the kids team… my number was chosen and my prize was a pop cap. Literally, the leader had it in his pocket and gave it to me. I would much have preferred my number not being called to that. It was just another piece of evidence. The enemy is a jerk. To the leader, it was a joke. The enemy used it as a jab. There were about 5 of those jabs this week, and yet…
I'm not backing down. I'm running after people… to love them. I'm not stopping. I don't fully understand my story and why it looks how it does. This I know… I'm following His voice and I'm engaging on the mission He has set in front of me and, until the story changes, I'm giving my whole heart. I will take the risk, but I will also choose to indulge in silliness… I will stand in rejection and I'm going to do it fully present and fully engaged. I'm not backing down. He tried to take me out, but I'm not going out. There is too much at stake. So, I choose to forgive easily… to lean into His whispers and His voice… I choose to laugh, a lot and enjoy this crazy life journey… and I choose to fight fiercely for justice and to be the best version of me… so that in my 100%, I can go after the more that He has called me to……. with joy.
Hilariously, my "choose joy" confetti popper I got from my church didn't work when in a moment, I was fighting to choose joy. So, I shake off the dust and keep on.. with my ear to His whispers and my hiking boots on…. to blaze the trails of the unknown.. in the blood, sweat, and tears… knowing and reminding myself when I forget, that I am amazing… that I am His… and that I am the leading lady of my story… and that I am already chosen.
