Forgiveness ranting…..

Sometimes forgiveness sucks. A lot. It is so good for my heart. I know this. But the process- the journey can be super rocky, messy…. I choose to forgive despite the messy…. I want to believe the best in people. When I meet someone, I give them a jar full of marbles of trust… because I want to trust  and believe in people. What they choose to do with that jar reveals itself in the relationship. I have a friend. A friend I am choosing to be friends with despite the messy. A friend who has hurt me deeply. This friends birthday just past. I bought a birthday gift. Because I love putting thought into birthday gifts and calling out something in them through that gift. I got a gift. Why? Not because I wanted to. It was because I didn't want to… I don't want bitterness or hurt to pollute my heart. So, I got a gift because I choose to protect my heart from the enemy. So, I choose to forgive… even when I don't feel it or don't know it… Just a thought.

Some days are just unforgettable….

Today, August 24, 2015 is a memorable day. Today was my last first day of my undergraduate college ness. Today was the beginning of the end. Today, I started my internship. Best first day ever. Truly. Everyone was meeting me and telling me how they were genuinely excited for me being apart of the organization. I got the tour, assigned a few tasks throughout the day, a few amazing conversations with my new co-workers… they are all sweet and amazing. One lady, a grandmother type named Mary said she saw "it" in me. She kept encouraging me about her belief that wherever in social work I pursue, that I'll be great. So encouraging. She randomly told me a story about a sweet friend of hers who is beautiful and 38 years old. She married a 38 year old man and they wanted to start a family and after sometime, they are now pregnant and how this is their first marriage. She didn't even know it, but it was  an injection of hope. Hope to believe that God is creating a love story for my future husband and me even when I may not see it. Love. Later in the day, Mary asked me when I graduate. After telling her my graduation date in December, she said "Oh, I know people" with a wink. I feel like the story of my life is a puzzle and I keep getting these puzzle pieces from God that serve as sweet reminders-- "I'm faithful." "I'm good." "I know you like surprises." "If only you knew how amazing it will all be" "Trust me." "I love you extravagantly."   I love it. I feel like a little puzzle piece in this large puzzle. I like living life on a large scale- a big scale- a beyond what I can see ness. After my internship, I went grocery shopping for the week on my budget and then an evening run.

On my run, I was thinking that even though I don't know what December will look like… that's okay because you do. It is okay to not know and be okay with the not knowing. I was reminded of two Tuesday's ago at Kairos, a guy came up to me and felt you wanting to encourage me with Proverbs 3:5-6. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your path." Oh so good. I fix my eyes on my God and He takes care of the steps. So so good.

Another day I will not forget is Friday, August 14, 2015. The day I hiked Pike's Peak with Kate, Seth, and Pat. 12.79 miles to the 14, 110 altitude. It was a challenge. Each step, breathe…. and I learned intentionality in each step. Not needing to analyze what I would feel at mile 7 when I need to focus on my steps and breathing in mile 3. It was a magnificent feeling ascending that peak. It was a bucket list moment to remember. I feel like I am still processing it…. I had a hugeeeee amazingly incredible processing moment filled with laughter and full out crying on the plane home from Colorado to Tennessee…. I'm sure the couple sitting next to me thought I was a little emotionally unstable…. but that moment of processing is one that Jesus and me will not soon forget. Colorado was an amazing and incredible trip for multiple reasons and I feel like each person I came in contact, I was fully present with and able to invest which created some pretty incredible moments!