My gas was exceedingly low as I drove home last night and I was oh so tired. I knew I could make it home with the gas currently in my tank. So, this morning, I left earlier than usual and went to get gas. As an adult I have, like many others, pumped my gas to a similar routine many, many times... but this mornings gas pumping into Oliver Jude (the name for my Subaru Forester) - was out of the ordinary... then again we are in a season of out of the ordinary as the natural rhythm.
I put the nozzle into my gas tank and I heard (the inner voice I know so obviously) clearly, powerfully, as strong as a few pivotal moments in my adventure with God, for me to only pump $10 from this pump into my tank. As the gallons added and the cost clicked upward... I had a few moments to make my decision to shake it off and disregard or to obey... click - click - click... I stopped and got to exactly $10 and ended my gas transaction. It was an odd moment... one I wanted to know the why. As this moment has, all throughout my day been coming up within me, it led me to think about if I box up my relationship with God into digestible, what I can explain, comprehend... or am I living on mission to just live ON MISSION. Even if it is beyond how I should respond, am I rejecting that and choosing grace... am I waiting when some say to jump... am I using my voice when fear is silencing others... currently our world is in the middle of a pandemic due to Covid-19... a virus that is affecting thousands upon thousands. Do I think God made this happen? No. Do I think he is using it and going to keep using it... heck yes. Alongside all of that, do I think there is a lot about this that doesn't make sense to our minds, also yes. Do I think that God is sovereign and above it all.. abso-freaking-lutely! I think because He is bigger than all of it, we can trust Him. He is irresistible to me... beyond what I may want...I want Him more. I trust Him more. So, even in the unknown, I will follow, I will blaze the trail, I will love when its so hard... and I will trust His lead... even at the gas pump. *smile*
