Wednesday, August 31, 2011
girly moment....
just a pause for a girly moment.... lately, I've been wondering about what it would feel like to wear an engagement ring. I'm not the bling bling kind of girl. I don't want a flashy, Titanic sized engagement ring...because I want to wear it and that would be dangerous to wear one of those rings internationally, but I was moreso mesmerized by the reality of what it would feel like wearing a ring and knowing that every time I see that ring, that that ring represents a man. A man who could choose to marry anyone he wanted to on the entire planet, out of millions and millions of people and yet, with that ring, that man is choosing that I am the girl that he wants to spend the rest of his life with...forever and ever. I don't have a grid to be able to comprehend this thought... i'm mesmerized by this.. *giggle*
transitioning....
Transitioning is awkward. I feel like the sooner I can embrace that, the soon I can just relish in the awkwardness. It sometimes feels like culture shock that never goes away. I know that it is a season...and yet, it still feels like its been forever. There have been moments of refreshing-ness. Moments where I talk to a friend and I feel like me. Moments where I feel my heart rest even for a few minutes. Moments where I feel myself being lifted off into a God orchestrated story. A story that only he can create. And then there are moments I feel all alone. And then there are moments where I feel the presence of God closer than I could ever comprehend. I know I'm supposed to be here. I still don't fully comprehend the details of the why, but every time I make myself choose to linger with Jesus, He shows up. Sometimes at my most vulnerable moment. Sometimes to make me smile. Sometimes when I need to be challenged. Sometimes when He's decided that its time for healing.
Tonight looks completely different than I anticipated it to look this morning. And yet... I love when He challenges me and calls me to a higher level. When I feel like a spiritual rock climber and all I can do is believe that as I take the risk to get to that next rock, despite what my muscles, my brain, or even my heart says...that if I can't make it...that if I miss it...He's got me. He's belaying this adventure. He knows what my heart needs...He knows what will bring my heart to a brand new place of rootedness in Him. He knows and He's aware of every detail of who I am. So, that's why i'm risking it all...that's why I've chosen to take the risk and get away from all of the comfortableness of my beloved Kentucky and drive 598 miles to Kansas City, Missouri and engage in this journey. I don't have all the answers. I'm learning... daily...hourly... and minute by minute. I've surrendered all that I thought this would look like and I've chosen to yield to His itinerary and I'm ready... I'm leaning on Him.. a lot more tears pouring forth than in years past, but I'm "trusting Him with ALL my heart, not leaning onto what I can see or understand about this adventure... and with everything I am, have, and need I am leaning into my Beloved and the whispers of His heart knowing that He will direct the way." My life is a film. I am the leading lady and He is my director. Sometimes I get a little creative and try out something new, or even share my perspective.... all the while realizing that His eye is on the big picture and He sees what I can barely comprehend. So, I trust... when I don't understand what He is doing... when I don't see how He's going to do it... I trust. "my strength in life is I am Yours." **
Tonight looks completely different than I anticipated it to look this morning. And yet... I love when He challenges me and calls me to a higher level. When I feel like a spiritual rock climber and all I can do is believe that as I take the risk to get to that next rock, despite what my muscles, my brain, or even my heart says...that if I can't make it...that if I miss it...He's got me. He's belaying this adventure. He knows what my heart needs...He knows what will bring my heart to a brand new place of rootedness in Him. He knows and He's aware of every detail of who I am. So, that's why i'm risking it all...that's why I've chosen to take the risk and get away from all of the comfortableness of my beloved Kentucky and drive 598 miles to Kansas City, Missouri and engage in this journey. I don't have all the answers. I'm learning... daily...hourly... and minute by minute. I've surrendered all that I thought this would look like and I've chosen to yield to His itinerary and I'm ready... I'm leaning on Him.. a lot more tears pouring forth than in years past, but I'm "trusting Him with ALL my heart, not leaning onto what I can see or understand about this adventure... and with everything I am, have, and need I am leaning into my Beloved and the whispers of His heart knowing that He will direct the way." My life is a film. I am the leading lady and He is my director. Sometimes I get a little creative and try out something new, or even share my perspective.... all the while realizing that His eye is on the big picture and He sees what I can barely comprehend. So, I trust... when I don't understand what He is doing... when I don't see how He's going to do it... I trust. "my strength in life is I am Yours." **
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Beautiful moments....
So... since I've been here in Kansas City, it's been an interesting week and a couple days. Holy Spirit has been escorting me on an Esther preparation and sharing with me glimpses of the purposes that He has for me in this season. It's been quite interesting! Holy Spirit told me last night that today was one of the days of physical preparation. So, I had an interview at Starbucks, explored a park... Random conversating with Holy Spirit about my makeup and how my face was so weird and that I didn't feel like me, He told me to go to Macy's and get makeup. Unsure about the financial-ness of going to Macy's, I questioned to make sure it was the wise thing to do. I felt a complete go ahead in my spirit to go. After getting there, I headed to the Lancome' counter to browse because my best friend Meagan used to work for Lancome' and loved it! So... I walk up to the counter and a lovely lady named Lauren comes and greets me. I learn that through a crazy story, she had also moved to Kansas City from Kentucky. She suggested some amazing products to help my face through the change of moving to this city that I could get from Dollar General. We talked throughout the consultation. She is a woman of God who is beautifully confident in who she is. She spoke to me like she was empowering me and contrasted all of the negative questions that I had about moving to Kansas City and how the weather has affected my hair and face. She spoke life into me physically and about this new season of life. She recognized that it was a God orchestrated moment...and I just knew that it was. I love how Holy Spirit orchestrated it. It was very physically and emotionally healing!!! It twas a beautiful day in Kansas City... *smile*... and I officially got a job that I start on Saturday as a Lil' Kickers soccer coach... i'm excited!!!
Monday, August 22, 2011
a Kansas City adventure begins...
I had a previous blog at www.xanga.com/amiechica14, but i've decided that with a new adventure brings forth a new blog. How exciting... a new home and now a new blog.
Recently, I moved from Wilder, Kentucky to Kansas City, Missouri. The most asked question was: "Why Kansas City?" ... and thus transitions into my Kansas City story...
In 2004, I came to Kansas City to do an internship through the International House of Prayer. It was a three month internship called Fire in the Night. I remember driving around Kansas City with my Mom, the night before my parents and I would be heading back home, and just having this feeling that I could see myself living in Kansas City for a season of life. Leaving Kansas City, I was confident that I was going to come back within the next couple of months to do the second track of Fire in the Night. However, about a month later, I got an email from the Fire in the Night staff making me aware that I was the only person signed up for the second track and so they were canceling it. Life continued in Cincinnati, Ohio...
In 2009, I had a patella tendon reconstructive knee surgery. I'm not sure if it was as a result of the pain medication or if it was God given, but I had a dream that took place in the IHOP prayer room. This dream was so powerful and realistic that it once again stirred up this desire to come back to Kansas City, but then again life continued onward.
In January of 2011, on the chalkboard mural that I painted in my room, I erased everything that was doodled and written and wrote 2 lists. On the left side was Kentucky and everything that I loved about living in Kentucky. On the right side was Kansas City and everything that stirred up this desire to live there. In the months afterwards, I had days where I couldn't imagine living anywhere else in the United States, but in my amazing Kentucky as a launch point for God to send me forth from. Alongside, I also had a days where I was ready to move to Kansas City and the excitement that ignited within me to step out into a new adventure was enough for me to start making plans. This continued for the next 4 months...sometimes switching back and forth based on the day.
In March of 2011, I had a dream. In this dream, I was in the hospital that I was working at: St. Elizabeth Medical Center. I was in the endoscopy unit and it looked exactly minus it had atmospheric lighting instead of the horrid lighting. My parents came into this area with me. They started out the conversation reassuring me of their love and that nothing I have done or ever will do will change that. They then asked me to take a pregnancy test. To which I became dramatic and surprised responding with, "What? First I don't have a boyfriend. And second, you know my standards." They continued to assure me of their love and were quite persistent about me taking this pregnancy test. Knowing the truth, I finally gave in and went into the bathroom to take this test. I remember having to read the directions *smile*... I came out and they were will a doctor. I gave them the test and they looked at each other, gave it to the doctor. The doctor then nods and responds with, "As I suspected, congratulations. You are going to have a baby." To my shock, I was beyond words and so confused. "What? How? I didn't have sex. You have to have sex to have a baby." To which the doctor in his best professional manner shared, "Well, there are sometimes we have nights that we don't remember as a result of partying and a little too much drinking." Looking at him like he was crazy, I told him that, "I am not that girl. I remember my life. And I didn't have sex." I don't think that any of them believed me. I was told that I was, in fact 3 months pregnant The next thing I know I'm being transported by my transporter friends, but not only to increase my frustration, I had to share my hospital bed with an 80 year old lady.
I shared this dream with my Mom after it was stuck in my mind and heart and wouldn't leave. She decided that we should call one of her friends who has a gift for dream interpretation and that we should ask her to pray over it to see if God gives her something. She said she felt like God was birthing something in me, but that the old lady in the hospital bed symbolized alongside the new birth, there would have to be a death as well. I counted it all out and the end of August/beginning of September would be the ninth month. And Amy hid these things in her heart *smile* ...
In April 2011, one evening, I just made a decision to engage in Kentucky and the life I was living in Kentucky and erased the chalkboard mural of questioning a Kansas City adventure.
Then one lovely Monday in June, I usually always got scheduled as a transporter on Monday mornings, but for some reason, I didn't this particular Monday. So, determined to embrace my Monday, I went to the pool in our apartment complex. I was, literally, the only person at the pool this summer afternoon.
(*(To preface this story, I was in the midst of a season with God where He was asking me a lot of questions. And not just any question, but questions that the answers were touching deep wounds. Through these questions, He was bringing a lot of healing forth. )*)
So, I'm relaxing at the pool and Jesus asks me this question:
"Amy, Why are you in Kentucky?"
"412. I love them. I love serving the youth and encouraging them and I know that I am supposed to be with them in this season."
"Amy, Why are you in Kentucky?"
"Seriously, Jesus, I love serving and being a part of the 412 team and loving on the youth and serving them. I truly love those youth with all of my heart."
"Amy, Why are you in Kentucky?"
"Jesus, why are you asking me this?"
"Amy, Where would you live if you could live anywhere?" (knowing that internationally is not this season right now...)
"You know what...I'm not really sure. I've never really thought about it."
"Amy, Where would you live?" ... Him knowing me better than I know myself...
"Kansas City."
And it was in that moment, I felt the nudge of the Holy Spirit to step out into this new adventure. I was so confident in the voice of God that I left the pool, went back to my apartment, and took everything in my room and in the laundry room that I owned and began going through what I needed to keep, what I could give away, and what I could throw away. Since being in Kentucky, every time I went to clean my room, I felt Holy Spirit encouraging me to simplify my life and my treasures. Which helped this final simplifying process.
From this moment forward, I felt a confidence in going to Kansas City. It freaked me out a little, but only because of the uncertainty and the unknown. Throughout the entire process, I felt the truth of His peace transcending all understanding. Talking to a man at work who became like a spiritual Father, it hit me that the peace that transcends part of this adventure had to come from God. Because in no way did this adventure feel safe or comfortable.
When I shared this new adventure, I was wondering if they would share something about "Oh goodness. Here goes Amy on another one of her adventures." Instead, my entire family were wholeheartedly supportive. It was a breath of fresh air to have the encouragement of my family.
It was amazing seeing God take care of the details. I sure had to put some hard work into it to, but seeing Him do it with me was lovely. There's so much more to share...but another day... another day I shall share...
For now, I am in the midst of this Kansas City adventure. Away from all of the people I love, away from the comfortable and into this new adventure.
"my strength in life is I am Yours." *smile*
with love, amy
Recently, I moved from Wilder, Kentucky to Kansas City, Missouri. The most asked question was: "Why Kansas City?" ... and thus transitions into my Kansas City story...
In 2004, I came to Kansas City to do an internship through the International House of Prayer. It was a three month internship called Fire in the Night. I remember driving around Kansas City with my Mom, the night before my parents and I would be heading back home, and just having this feeling that I could see myself living in Kansas City for a season of life. Leaving Kansas City, I was confident that I was going to come back within the next couple of months to do the second track of Fire in the Night. However, about a month later, I got an email from the Fire in the Night staff making me aware that I was the only person signed up for the second track and so they were canceling it. Life continued in Cincinnati, Ohio...
In 2009, I had a patella tendon reconstructive knee surgery. I'm not sure if it was as a result of the pain medication or if it was God given, but I had a dream that took place in the IHOP prayer room. This dream was so powerful and realistic that it once again stirred up this desire to come back to Kansas City, but then again life continued onward.
In January of 2011, on the chalkboard mural that I painted in my room, I erased everything that was doodled and written and wrote 2 lists. On the left side was Kentucky and everything that I loved about living in Kentucky. On the right side was Kansas City and everything that stirred up this desire to live there. In the months afterwards, I had days where I couldn't imagine living anywhere else in the United States, but in my amazing Kentucky as a launch point for God to send me forth from. Alongside, I also had a days where I was ready to move to Kansas City and the excitement that ignited within me to step out into a new adventure was enough for me to start making plans. This continued for the next 4 months...sometimes switching back and forth based on the day.
In March of 2011, I had a dream. In this dream, I was in the hospital that I was working at: St. Elizabeth Medical Center. I was in the endoscopy unit and it looked exactly minus it had atmospheric lighting instead of the horrid lighting. My parents came into this area with me. They started out the conversation reassuring me of their love and that nothing I have done or ever will do will change that. They then asked me to take a pregnancy test. To which I became dramatic and surprised responding with, "What? First I don't have a boyfriend. And second, you know my standards." They continued to assure me of their love and were quite persistent about me taking this pregnancy test. Knowing the truth, I finally gave in and went into the bathroom to take this test. I remember having to read the directions *smile*... I came out and they were will a doctor. I gave them the test and they looked at each other, gave it to the doctor. The doctor then nods and responds with, "As I suspected, congratulations. You are going to have a baby." To my shock, I was beyond words and so confused. "What? How? I didn't have sex. You have to have sex to have a baby." To which the doctor in his best professional manner shared, "Well, there are sometimes we have nights that we don't remember as a result of partying and a little too much drinking." Looking at him like he was crazy, I told him that, "I am not that girl. I remember my life. And I didn't have sex." I don't think that any of them believed me. I was told that I was, in fact 3 months pregnant The next thing I know I'm being transported by my transporter friends, but not only to increase my frustration, I had to share my hospital bed with an 80 year old lady.
I shared this dream with my Mom after it was stuck in my mind and heart and wouldn't leave. She decided that we should call one of her friends who has a gift for dream interpretation and that we should ask her to pray over it to see if God gives her something. She said she felt like God was birthing something in me, but that the old lady in the hospital bed symbolized alongside the new birth, there would have to be a death as well. I counted it all out and the end of August/beginning of September would be the ninth month. And Amy hid these things in her heart *smile* ...
In April 2011, one evening, I just made a decision to engage in Kentucky and the life I was living in Kentucky and erased the chalkboard mural of questioning a Kansas City adventure.
Then one lovely Monday in June, I usually always got scheduled as a transporter on Monday mornings, but for some reason, I didn't this particular Monday. So, determined to embrace my Monday, I went to the pool in our apartment complex. I was, literally, the only person at the pool this summer afternoon.
(*(To preface this story, I was in the midst of a season with God where He was asking me a lot of questions. And not just any question, but questions that the answers were touching deep wounds. Through these questions, He was bringing a lot of healing forth. )*)
So, I'm relaxing at the pool and Jesus asks me this question:
"Amy, Why are you in Kentucky?"
"412. I love them. I love serving the youth and encouraging them and I know that I am supposed to be with them in this season."
"Amy, Why are you in Kentucky?"
"Seriously, Jesus, I love serving and being a part of the 412 team and loving on the youth and serving them. I truly love those youth with all of my heart."
"Amy, Why are you in Kentucky?"
"Jesus, why are you asking me this?"
"Amy, Where would you live if you could live anywhere?" (knowing that internationally is not this season right now...)
"You know what...I'm not really sure. I've never really thought about it."
"Amy, Where would you live?" ... Him knowing me better than I know myself...
"Kansas City."
And it was in that moment, I felt the nudge of the Holy Spirit to step out into this new adventure. I was so confident in the voice of God that I left the pool, went back to my apartment, and took everything in my room and in the laundry room that I owned and began going through what I needed to keep, what I could give away, and what I could throw away. Since being in Kentucky, every time I went to clean my room, I felt Holy Spirit encouraging me to simplify my life and my treasures. Which helped this final simplifying process.
From this moment forward, I felt a confidence in going to Kansas City. It freaked me out a little, but only because of the uncertainty and the unknown. Throughout the entire process, I felt the truth of His peace transcending all understanding. Talking to a man at work who became like a spiritual Father, it hit me that the peace that transcends part of this adventure had to come from God. Because in no way did this adventure feel safe or comfortable.
When I shared this new adventure, I was wondering if they would share something about "Oh goodness. Here goes Amy on another one of her adventures." Instead, my entire family were wholeheartedly supportive. It was a breath of fresh air to have the encouragement of my family.
It was amazing seeing God take care of the details. I sure had to put some hard work into it to, but seeing Him do it with me was lovely. There's so much more to share...but another day... another day I shall share...
For now, I am in the midst of this Kansas City adventure. Away from all of the people I love, away from the comfortable and into this new adventure.
"my strength in life is I am Yours." *smile*
with love, amy
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