i have this friend. a friend from work in kansas city. he is an ultra enthusiast atheist. he constantly challenges my line of thinking. although i may not be the strongest now at theological debate, i know that i am in love with God. i'm ruined for less of all He is! but this friend challenges me. he challenges me to know what i believe and to be able to back it up. to back up what my heart says and my relationship with God....into conversational form. i want to be able to do that. now i can conversate with experiential knowledge and slight learned knowledge, but i want so much to be able to conversate and be able to know facts and information and truth to be able to stand above it all. hmmmmmmm.... deep thoughts this monday evening. what a great, quality day.
i wonder what this tuesday shall hold *smile*
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!!!!!
well...... so much has happened since my last post. I moved!!!! I moved yet again from the city of fountains that hilarious and crazily grabbed my heart in the last four to five-ish months: Kansas City, Missouri to this southern culture, beautiful weather, country accents Murfreesboro, Tennessee. Murfreesboro for those who have never heard of this city is forty-five minutes southeast of Nashville. It's literally the geographical center of Tennessee. Speaking of Tennessee...it amazes me about how many states border this state. Kentucky,Virginia, North Carolina, Georgia, Alabama, Mississippi, Arkansas, and Missouri. 8 states!!! Anyways.... the story... I was living in Kansas City, Missouri finally beginning to sort of, kind of, maybe a little enjoy Kansas City life. I loved my job. I loved the people I worked with. I could drive without the help of my GPS. I had a few QUALITY friendships. I even embraced the strategic loneliness of the season. In May, my sister, Ericka (who I thought was going to be a life long Texan) calls me and tells me that through a very obvious God orchestration, she is moving to Murfreesboro, Tennessee and asked if I would pray about it. My lease in Kansas City wasn't up until August and I was praying about where I would want to move to... Canada, Seattle, Tulsa, Kentucky, Texas.... I wasn't so sure about Tennessee... but I told her I would pray about it. Well in July, I was in the shower- i know such a deep place of thought... I was not really thinking about much, but then in an all of sudden then God kind of moment, He spoke. He would talk to me about life and other things, but every time I would ask Him about the next season, He would be quite silent. Until that moment. He spoke. "I want you to move to Murfreesboro, Tennessee." He began to share to my heart clues about what the season would look like. So, He said it, so I jumped in.
I moved here in August. I am living in a one bedroom apartment with my sister Ericka. Our amazing parents bought us a bunk bed and we are embracing this adventure. Sometimes I wonder what God has up His sleeve, but I feel that this season truly is strategic! I don't know the why and I'm not sure sometimes what He is up to. I started a job. I like my job (so far...i'm still in training)... but it's not like it's my dream job. Which, I am definitely okay with not having my dream job... but I feel there is strategy for this job. I've realized when I don't understand the puzzle pieces of life, most times, I am not really looking at the big picture. I see one piece that I'm not sure I would have chosen for my life.... when in fact, I'm staring at one piece and not really seeing the full perspective. So, I trust. I trust Him. I trust that there is a reason that I'm not doing missions to the extent that my heart desires. I trust that there is a reason that there have been no open doors for youth ministry now. I trust that there is a reason that God hasn't orchestrated our stories yet. I trust that there is purpose for me in this Murfreesboro town. I trust that God can get the most glory from my life in any setting.
Sometimes I wonder why I am twenty-eight and still without my degree. And then I have to remind myself about all of the adventures that God has taken me on so far. I don't need to look at anyone else's path. I just need to keep my eyes fixed on Him and allow His story to unfold through me for His glory. That everything I do is unto Him. I can't be a trailblazer if I am constantly want my trail to look like all the others. And if mine looked like all the others, I would be going against everything that God has challenged me with.
So, I step aside. From all of the other trails. I pursue Him and I will trail blaze with Him as I find myself and my beauty in His eyes. And in His time, He'll bring each season along the journey...in His way, His timing, His orchestrations. So, until then, this Tennessee living, Kentucky loving girl will lean in to Him.... and keep on falling in love with Him. *smile*
I moved here in August. I am living in a one bedroom apartment with my sister Ericka. Our amazing parents bought us a bunk bed and we are embracing this adventure. Sometimes I wonder what God has up His sleeve, but I feel that this season truly is strategic! I don't know the why and I'm not sure sometimes what He is up to. I started a job. I like my job (so far...i'm still in training)... but it's not like it's my dream job. Which, I am definitely okay with not having my dream job... but I feel there is strategy for this job. I've realized when I don't understand the puzzle pieces of life, most times, I am not really looking at the big picture. I see one piece that I'm not sure I would have chosen for my life.... when in fact, I'm staring at one piece and not really seeing the full perspective. So, I trust. I trust Him. I trust that there is a reason that I'm not doing missions to the extent that my heart desires. I trust that there is a reason that there have been no open doors for youth ministry now. I trust that there is a reason that God hasn't orchestrated our stories yet. I trust that there is purpose for me in this Murfreesboro town. I trust that God can get the most glory from my life in any setting.
Sometimes I wonder why I am twenty-eight and still without my degree. And then I have to remind myself about all of the adventures that God has taken me on so far. I don't need to look at anyone else's path. I just need to keep my eyes fixed on Him and allow His story to unfold through me for His glory. That everything I do is unto Him. I can't be a trailblazer if I am constantly want my trail to look like all the others. And if mine looked like all the others, I would be going against everything that God has challenged me with.
So, I step aside. From all of the other trails. I pursue Him and I will trail blaze with Him as I find myself and my beauty in His eyes. And in His time, He'll bring each season along the journey...in His way, His timing, His orchestrations. So, until then, this Tennessee living, Kentucky loving girl will lean in to Him.... and keep on falling in love with Him. *smile*
Sunday, June 24, 2012
to feel.
there are moments when you see something and you're given an instant choice: to bypass the feeling and emotion or to face it and feel. it was a small context, but instead of just ignoring watching an injustice, i spoke up. it was definitely a foundational context, but i stood up and was ignored. i will not apologize for caring. i will not apologize for being sympathetic and compassionate. i will not apologize for standing up against injustice- not now, not never. something has to be said and i won't stand idly by and watch.
it was a "classic" movie. if that sets the precedent for classic movies- i don't want to see any more. it was a classic movie where i came in the middle of it and into a scene where a young woman was facing an injustice by a group of men. in america, you hear about human trafficking and the effects and the staggering statistics. statistics that make it so easy to grow numb to. statistics that seem so big, it makes even the biggest world changer wonder what kind of impact we can make. and yet in this classic movie context, it got very real. very fast. the longest minute and a half of movie reel has now shook up the core of who i am. i saw her emotion. i saw her brokenness and helplessness as I looked into her eyes. it's not okay. and yet, it didn't happen to me. this scene has played out though in many people. this scene has been reality to countless women. this scene has been a living reality to many girls. now, the question i face is what can i do....what am i going to do? because i choose to let myself feel. to not wipe it away- to not look the other direction- to not dismiss it as good acting. i choose to believe that by loving the one, that i can make a difference. that although i have come from a great family- there may be standards and a reality that i stand at that others may not agree with. and i don't care if i am the only one standing. i will stand and i will speak out. now, the question is- how will this shift the reality of my life. how will this moment of feeling alter this now twenty-eighth year of life. (it is now my birthday!!)
comfort isn't an option. just a pick and choose an awesome adventure destination has never been an option.
"when i don't understand, i will choose you...when i don't understand, i get to choose you, Lord God"..
i want to go deeper. i crave something beyond a husband and kids. not that there is anything wrong with that- because there definitely isn't... and i do desire that in some context- and yet, i want something beyond ordinary- something that bypasses my human grid of thinking- something that crosses over into a new level of kingdom and of what God dreams over my life. i want to be faithful in that- even when i wonder over the timing- even when i don't understand or see the next step- i trust. i choose to feel your spirit and to go where you lead...only you, Jesus.
there are moments when you see something and you're given an instant choice: to bypass the feeling and emotion or to face it and feel. it was a small context, but instead of just ignoring watching an injustice, i spoke up. it was definitely a foundational context, but i stood up and was ignored. i will not apologize for caring. i will not apologize for being sympathetic and compassionate. i will not apologize for standing up against injustice- not now, not never. something has to be said and i won't stand idly by and watch.
it was a "classic" movie. if that sets the precedent for classic movies- i don't want to see any more. it was a classic movie where i came in the middle of it and into a scene where a young woman was facing an injustice by a group of men. in america, you hear about human trafficking and the effects and the staggering statistics. statistics that make it so easy to grow numb to. statistics that seem so big, it makes even the biggest world changer wonder what kind of impact we can make. and yet in this classic movie context, it got very real. very fast. the longest minute and a half of movie reel has now shook up the core of who i am. i saw her emotion. i saw her brokenness and helplessness as I looked into her eyes. it's not okay. and yet, it didn't happen to me. this scene has played out though in many people. this scene has been reality to countless women. this scene has been a living reality to many girls. now, the question i face is what can i do....what am i going to do? because i choose to let myself feel. to not wipe it away- to not look the other direction- to not dismiss it as good acting. i choose to believe that by loving the one, that i can make a difference. that although i have come from a great family- there may be standards and a reality that i stand at that others may not agree with. and i don't care if i am the only one standing. i will stand and i will speak out. now, the question is- how will this shift the reality of my life. how will this moment of feeling alter this now twenty-eighth year of life. (it is now my birthday!!)
comfort isn't an option. just a pick and choose an awesome adventure destination has never been an option.
"when i don't understand, i will choose you...when i don't understand, i get to choose you, Lord God"..
i want to go deeper. i crave something beyond a husband and kids. not that there is anything wrong with that- because there definitely isn't... and i do desire that in some context- and yet, i want something beyond ordinary- something that bypasses my human grid of thinking- something that crosses over into a new level of kingdom and of what God dreams over my life. i want to be faithful in that- even when i wonder over the timing- even when i don't understand or see the next step- i trust. i choose to feel your spirit and to go where you lead...only you, Jesus.
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Hunger...
I'm hungry for God. I may have just ate a banana with almond butter and it twas delicious and nourishing for my physical body. And yet, my soul feels deprived. My soul starves. I want to go deeper. I don't want to live life in comfort, I don't want to be consumed with finding the answer to the next step- the next journey- the next adventure. I wait on Him. I don't know what it will look like, but I have faith big enough to believe that He will lead and guide. We are called to more. He wants to go deeper... but will I make the leap. The leap to run into Jesus, the leap to walk a different road, the leap to not be defined by the culture, the leap to be love.
I don't want to just walk through this life comfortable...even as a comfortable Christian. My soul craves more. I want to make an impact. I want to make a difference. I want to shake this world up. And none of it for my name or even to be remembered. But that people I have an effect on will see Jesus- for real. Not religion, not a do this-do that rules kind of guilt satisfying do gooder-ness, but instead pure, genuine, love... in the midst of my humanness, I only crave God to shine through my weakness.
"Wake up in the morning with the grind for the Most High on our mind."
"Any man who wants our heart will go to Christ knowing its in His possession"
So, I was talking to my amazing and incredible Mom on the phone a few days ago and I was sharing how my heart seems to be exploding with desire for my future husband- whoever he might be. Something rose up in my heart that was a desire deep within me. My Mom spoke forth truth about what sort of muscles that this man will have to have. Not physical muscles, but SPIRITUAL muscles! Seriously! It encouraged my heart and was oh so sweet to my spirit. I want a man that will lead. I want a man that will speak truth, encourage prayer. A man that will get dirty loving people above and beyond being nice and fancy. A man that will WANT to dig into the Word together and glean out the truth in its pages.
Alongside this was this craving to keep growing and being a woman who is worthy of such a man. I want to be a woman to encourage him to go deeper in God. I want to be a wife who will encourage His gifts and contribute mine and all that God has created within me. I want to be a worshipper of God. I want to be a woman who seeks above and beyond all to love her Lord, to seek after Him, and for that continually to be the driving force of my life.
He is going to be worth the wait. I know it. By faith, I know it... but I choose to keep running into Jesus and growing- confronting the things within me that are not like Jesus.
One thing that God revealed to my heart on the way home from work tonight was the selfishness that has come within my heart. This season has been a very solo, solitary kind of timing.... It's been rough, and yet good...however, because I am not fully involved in any person's life here in Kansas City, I have fallen into selfishness in conversation and deed. I want to kick it out- though it may take time and baby steps that enlarge, I will stand against this!
I get to go home for June in 6 days!! I am incredibly and fantastically excited about being home...*smile*... My mind and heart are quite awake. However, my eyeballs are finally submitting to sleep! *smile*
I don't want to just walk through this life comfortable...even as a comfortable Christian. My soul craves more. I want to make an impact. I want to make a difference. I want to shake this world up. And none of it for my name or even to be remembered. But that people I have an effect on will see Jesus- for real. Not religion, not a do this-do that rules kind of guilt satisfying do gooder-ness, but instead pure, genuine, love... in the midst of my humanness, I only crave God to shine through my weakness.
"Wake up in the morning with the grind for the Most High on our mind."
"Any man who wants our heart will go to Christ knowing its in His possession"
So, I was talking to my amazing and incredible Mom on the phone a few days ago and I was sharing how my heart seems to be exploding with desire for my future husband- whoever he might be. Something rose up in my heart that was a desire deep within me. My Mom spoke forth truth about what sort of muscles that this man will have to have. Not physical muscles, but SPIRITUAL muscles! Seriously! It encouraged my heart and was oh so sweet to my spirit. I want a man that will lead. I want a man that will speak truth, encourage prayer. A man that will get dirty loving people above and beyond being nice and fancy. A man that will WANT to dig into the Word together and glean out the truth in its pages.
Alongside this was this craving to keep growing and being a woman who is worthy of such a man. I want to be a woman to encourage him to go deeper in God. I want to be a wife who will encourage His gifts and contribute mine and all that God has created within me. I want to be a worshipper of God. I want to be a woman who seeks above and beyond all to love her Lord, to seek after Him, and for that continually to be the driving force of my life.
He is going to be worth the wait. I know it. By faith, I know it... but I choose to keep running into Jesus and growing- confronting the things within me that are not like Jesus.
One thing that God revealed to my heart on the way home from work tonight was the selfishness that has come within my heart. This season has been a very solo, solitary kind of timing.... It's been rough, and yet good...however, because I am not fully involved in any person's life here in Kansas City, I have fallen into selfishness in conversation and deed. I want to kick it out- though it may take time and baby steps that enlarge, I will stand against this!
I get to go home for June in 6 days!! I am incredibly and fantastically excited about being home...*smile*... My mind and heart are quite awake. However, my eyeballs are finally submitting to sleep! *smile*
Sunday, May 6, 2012
it's a rainy Sunday... it's refreshing! It feels so wonderful to not be at work... to not have to do anything...except I MUST finish cleaning my room... which is in process..
So. Much. So much is going on within my heart right now. I feel almost in tears. How can you long for someone you have not yet met? I long for my future husband. And not because I need him. I really want him. I want to spend my life impacting the world with him. I want to be able to encourage him with the dreams that God has placed inside of his heart. I want to see him achieve the impossible. I want to see him impact millions. And I want to do it with him. I don't know who he is. I don't. I wonder. And yet he doesn't have a face, a personality. But whoever he is, wherever he is on planet Earth. He is worth waiting for. I'm not putting my life on hold for him. I'm moving forward... growing, challenging myself, and running deeper into Jesus. But, all of it... I want to do it with him. I know marriage isn't all rainbows, clouds, and happily ever after days everyday. I want the ordinary and extraordinary with him. I want to fight for him. I want to worship alongside him. I want to not eat or cook certain foods when we eat together because I know he doesn't like those. I want for us to enjoy random adventures. I want us to be able to laugh so hard together and yet cry for those we love...and intercede intentionally for people. I want him to know me so much that he can challenge me and call out areas that he sees within me.
I trust Jesus. I trust His ways. I know that His ways are higher. I know it. And I trust that he has purpose for extending my season of singleness. His timing is best. I know it... but my heart still longs for him.
So, you, whoever you are. Wherever you are... know that you are worth the wait. Know that I love you deeply. I don't even know who you are yet and I love you. Seriously, I can't imagine what our love could look like when I know you. So, to you...human love of my life. The one I have waited twenty-seven years for. I will wait for you. I will not give up. I will press on.
"love...it always perseveres.." 1cor13.7
However, future husband and love, can Jesus and you find me soon! That would be lovely *smile*... I'm excited to meet you and spend my life with you.
Okay...this room must be cleaned!!! *smile*
So. Much. So much is going on within my heart right now. I feel almost in tears. How can you long for someone you have not yet met? I long for my future husband. And not because I need him. I really want him. I want to spend my life impacting the world with him. I want to be able to encourage him with the dreams that God has placed inside of his heart. I want to see him achieve the impossible. I want to see him impact millions. And I want to do it with him. I don't know who he is. I don't. I wonder. And yet he doesn't have a face, a personality. But whoever he is, wherever he is on planet Earth. He is worth waiting for. I'm not putting my life on hold for him. I'm moving forward... growing, challenging myself, and running deeper into Jesus. But, all of it... I want to do it with him. I know marriage isn't all rainbows, clouds, and happily ever after days everyday. I want the ordinary and extraordinary with him. I want to fight for him. I want to worship alongside him. I want to not eat or cook certain foods when we eat together because I know he doesn't like those. I want for us to enjoy random adventures. I want us to be able to laugh so hard together and yet cry for those we love...and intercede intentionally for people. I want him to know me so much that he can challenge me and call out areas that he sees within me.
I trust Jesus. I trust His ways. I know that His ways are higher. I know it. And I trust that he has purpose for extending my season of singleness. His timing is best. I know it... but my heart still longs for him.
So, you, whoever you are. Wherever you are... know that you are worth the wait. Know that I love you deeply. I don't even know who you are yet and I love you. Seriously, I can't imagine what our love could look like when I know you. So, to you...human love of my life. The one I have waited twenty-seven years for. I will wait for you. I will not give up. I will press on.
"love...it always perseveres.." 1cor13.7
However, future husband and love, can Jesus and you find me soon! That would be lovely *smile*... I'm excited to meet you and spend my life with you.
Okay...this room must be cleaned!!! *smile*
Saturday, February 25, 2012
Ps: my new challenge
New Challenge: taking back the early morning hours!!!!!!!
it tis going to be a challenge, but i want it so so much!!!!
*smile*
Dad comes to Kansas City for a WEEK tomorrow!!!!!!!! I'm so excited!!!!! *giggle*
it tis going to be a challenge, but i want it so so much!!!!
*smile*
Dad comes to Kansas City for a WEEK tomorrow!!!!!!!! I'm so excited!!!!! *giggle*
Thoughts and ramblings ...
Sometimes life is just funny. Sometimes outright, outloud...and other times subtly...
" a painting is more than just the sum of its parts"
I wonder what the next season of life will look...i wonder... I feel like I am at a crossroads of life... I feel like I will look back on this season of my life as I go onwards. I just don't know, and yet I crave wanting to know. I want to know. But I don't.
Is nursing where my heart really is... every course in the nursing program seems so out of my comfort zone and not me, and yet, maybe that is how God wants to show His glory in and through me...through my weakness. I really don't want to look back on my life and wish that I would have risked somehow...
Fear. Wow. Am I allowing fear to keep me from making decisions ... from fully and wholeheartedly committing to something. I just want to do whatever I do to glorify Jesus....that somehow through this little life of mine, he would be able to take me and send me... whether I am walking and blazing something that has never been done, or setting forth a path that others will walk and see the fruit come forth from... or maybe even being a transitional person, like I was in Kentucky.
Okay so this is it... everyone that I talk to from back home wants me to come home... friends and family... and there are some that "cold shoulder" me here... and besides the amazing people I work with a random moments with the roommates...there is no allure for me to stay here... I don't feel my heart being comfortable here... I don't regret coming to Kansas City. I'm guessing maybe with community, this might look different...oh my heart and head is so jumbled right now...
A few people at work noticed I wasn't me... it felt so good to my heart to be seen and known even that something was off... one of the guys, Jose, suggested sometimes it just good to start with nothing and go from there...
15 months in Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky... i like that. I could start at Brown Mackie College and get my associates. I could work at Brio on the Levee... or somewhere else.... I could live with Cazi and others... I could live with Alaina and Jamie... I could live with Dad and Mom... maybe, possibly... I could serve at the Bridge... I could engage in relationship with Erica Zauflick and Janet!! Miss those girls... I could get to spend time with Meagan, Alaina, Cazi, Mindy, Jo... *smile*... those girls just make me smile a lot... I could help Tiffany with Asher (who will born end of June) ... I could train to run a marathon!!!! Oh, that feels so good in my heart!!! I could help in 412!!!! I miss those youth... I could go to Crossroads... or the Bridge... I could spend time with my Dad and Mom!!!! There is so much possibility... and yet, none of it means anything, if it's not a God thing. It is meaningless if I'm just choosing comfortable... Life, it couldn't be the same as when I left...I can't... I was in a rut... way too comfortable. Way way so much!! It would have to look different...community, people, life... and yet... for but a season... I could see myself back home for a bit....
Hmmmm.....
Jesus.... not knowing...I trust You. Would you come forth and be OBVIOUS!!! Please???? i love you!!!
" a painting is more than just the sum of its parts"
I wonder what the next season of life will look...i wonder... I feel like I am at a crossroads of life... I feel like I will look back on this season of my life as I go onwards. I just don't know, and yet I crave wanting to know. I want to know. But I don't.
Is nursing where my heart really is... every course in the nursing program seems so out of my comfort zone and not me, and yet, maybe that is how God wants to show His glory in and through me...through my weakness. I really don't want to look back on my life and wish that I would have risked somehow...
Fear. Wow. Am I allowing fear to keep me from making decisions ... from fully and wholeheartedly committing to something. I just want to do whatever I do to glorify Jesus....that somehow through this little life of mine, he would be able to take me and send me... whether I am walking and blazing something that has never been done, or setting forth a path that others will walk and see the fruit come forth from... or maybe even being a transitional person, like I was in Kentucky.
Okay so this is it... everyone that I talk to from back home wants me to come home... friends and family... and there are some that "cold shoulder" me here... and besides the amazing people I work with a random moments with the roommates...there is no allure for me to stay here... I don't feel my heart being comfortable here... I don't regret coming to Kansas City. I'm guessing maybe with community, this might look different...oh my heart and head is so jumbled right now...
A few people at work noticed I wasn't me... it felt so good to my heart to be seen and known even that something was off... one of the guys, Jose, suggested sometimes it just good to start with nothing and go from there...
15 months in Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky... i like that. I could start at Brown Mackie College and get my associates. I could work at Brio on the Levee... or somewhere else.... I could live with Cazi and others... I could live with Alaina and Jamie... I could live with Dad and Mom... maybe, possibly... I could serve at the Bridge... I could engage in relationship with Erica Zauflick and Janet!! Miss those girls... I could get to spend time with Meagan, Alaina, Cazi, Mindy, Jo... *smile*... those girls just make me smile a lot... I could help Tiffany with Asher (who will born end of June) ... I could train to run a marathon!!!! Oh, that feels so good in my heart!!! I could help in 412!!!! I miss those youth... I could go to Crossroads... or the Bridge... I could spend time with my Dad and Mom!!!! There is so much possibility... and yet, none of it means anything, if it's not a God thing. It is meaningless if I'm just choosing comfortable... Life, it couldn't be the same as when I left...I can't... I was in a rut... way too comfortable. Way way so much!! It would have to look different...community, people, life... and yet... for but a season... I could see myself back home for a bit....
Hmmmm.....
Jesus.... not knowing...I trust You. Would you come forth and be OBVIOUS!!! Please???? i love you!!!
Sunday, January 8, 2012
a late Saturday night...
After I got off of work tonight, I deposited my money into the bank, and then decided to stop at the Red Box rental near our Walgreens and see if there were any good movies, I read the description to "Flipped" and was intrigued... it was a really great movie!!!
Real life moments filled with hilarious moments... I loved how the story was shown from Bryce's perspective followed by Julie's!
It reminded me a lot about me. I never stalked any guy... well, that i know of... *laugh*... but I've had quite a few unrequited love scenario's... far more than i'd like to admit. However, I have learned a lot about life, love, and what I really want in my future husband.
A couple nights ago, I was confronted with some harsh words that were said to me by a man that I really liked, dare I say I loved him. Words that I don't think I admitted hurt, but they did. I've forgiven him for saying them, but I don't think I ever let go of the words. Part of me thinks that I've held onto them tightly since then. Because I trusted him. I'm not mad at him. Regardless of why they were said, they stuck. Enough is enough. Jesus, will you come and cleanse my heart... would You take the words that have been inscribed within my heart, the words that have stuck... would You release them. Would You shake them off of me... I don't want to carry them anymore. I want to throw them down and grab onto Your truth... Your life... I receive Your freedom, Jesus.
There are so many things that I loved about this movie... I love the conversation about being greater than the some of all of your parts. And the flat, shiny, iridescent conversation.
I want to be iridescent. It's...
**defined as: showing luminous colors that seem to change when seen from different angles
-------------------------
This really is an interesting season of life. Not only am I away from all of the people that are so comfortable to me, but i don't like anyone....and I'm good with that. I'm just praying that God will orchestrate it all in His timing, His way.... He knows. That's why I can't just pick someone, I can't randomly... He knows whose strengths that I'll compliment the best... That's why I'm not just going to pick somewhere I want to move to. I want His adventure. God, I'll wait... i'll wait on your timing. It doesn't matter what I feel or don't like about this season... I trust You. And with all of my heart, I will wait on Your timing..Your way...for Your glory.
Real life moments filled with hilarious moments... I loved how the story was shown from Bryce's perspective followed by Julie's!
It reminded me a lot about me. I never stalked any guy... well, that i know of... *laugh*... but I've had quite a few unrequited love scenario's... far more than i'd like to admit. However, I have learned a lot about life, love, and what I really want in my future husband.
A couple nights ago, I was confronted with some harsh words that were said to me by a man that I really liked, dare I say I loved him. Words that I don't think I admitted hurt, but they did. I've forgiven him for saying them, but I don't think I ever let go of the words. Part of me thinks that I've held onto them tightly since then. Because I trusted him. I'm not mad at him. Regardless of why they were said, they stuck. Enough is enough. Jesus, will you come and cleanse my heart... would You take the words that have been inscribed within my heart, the words that have stuck... would You release them. Would You shake them off of me... I don't want to carry them anymore. I want to throw them down and grab onto Your truth... Your life... I receive Your freedom, Jesus.
There are so many things that I loved about this movie... I love the conversation about being greater than the some of all of your parts. And the flat, shiny, iridescent conversation.
I want to be iridescent. It's...
**defined as: showing luminous colors that seem to change when seen from different angles
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This really is an interesting season of life. Not only am I away from all of the people that are so comfortable to me, but i don't like anyone....and I'm good with that. I'm just praying that God will orchestrate it all in His timing, His way.... He knows. That's why I can't just pick someone, I can't randomly... He knows whose strengths that I'll compliment the best... That's why I'm not just going to pick somewhere I want to move to. I want His adventure. God, I'll wait... i'll wait on your timing. It doesn't matter what I feel or don't like about this season... I trust You. And with all of my heart, I will wait on Your timing..Your way...for Your glory.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
in the valley of decision, i found a gorgeous park... *smile*
I don't fully know the why, but I feel like this next decision for this next season will make a huge impact. I could be wrong and I could be overstating everything, but my spirit feels like greatness is a foot. I don't want to be great in this world... i don't want to be popular, rich... i just want to love. To love the poorest of the poor with everything within me. To get in the dirt and get dirty with those you love to the ends of the earth. But I don't want to do it out of me... out of who I am... I want to do it out of You, Your love, Jesus and the depth of who you are!
For 2012...i want to be, genuinely, for real rooted and grounded in You. I want my joy to be solely rooted in You despite my circumstances. I want my presence to alter the atmosphere not because of me but because of who You are within me. Would you trust me? Would you trust me to go to the nations? Alongside this I want to go to a deeper level of discipline this year. Discipline in seeking after You, a physically excellent discipline, a mental discipline to learn the knowledge that I need to soak in to be able to go and be what You want me to be.
I don't know what the next step looks like, but I refuse to just pick and make a decision. I will wait on the Lord... I will force myself to wait...to wait on You, my God.
For 2012...i want to be, genuinely, for real rooted and grounded in You. I want my joy to be solely rooted in You despite my circumstances. I want my presence to alter the atmosphere not because of me but because of who You are within me. Would you trust me? Would you trust me to go to the nations? Alongside this I want to go to a deeper level of discipline this year. Discipline in seeking after You, a physically excellent discipline, a mental discipline to learn the knowledge that I need to soak in to be able to go and be what You want me to be.
I don't know what the next step looks like, but I refuse to just pick and make a decision. I will wait on the Lord... I will force myself to wait...to wait on You, my God.
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