**the whispers and explosiveness of Holy Spirit***
One Kansas City adventure after another...I await the fate of my Eowyn.... she is in the ICU unit at O'Neill Honda here in Overland Park, Kansas. My roommate, Yamile, was wonderful and dropped me off here (Homer's Coffee Shop) early this morning before she headed to work. As I wait her fate, my heart is alive and a bit emotional *smile*...
Writing a letter to a beloved friend.... I began to cry at the mere reality of everything that God has done within my heart and life through her. There are bondages and chains that I have been battling since I was little...and now, I am beginning to see a whole new perspective and reality because she had courage. Because she refused to allow what she has battled to be cute and fluffy and instead, opened her life and her heart to me and now, I will never be the same. I hope and pray from the depths of me that through God in me and His reality that that can be a reality that I pass on to girls and the people that God surrounds in my life. So, blogging world, I would like to sending a standing ovation and openly thank God for orchestrating my life to intersect with Erica Zauflik. Thank you, Jesus. You knew...you knew I needed her.
Okay, a friend from a few churches back has a fb that has been challenging my heart. He voices in poetry everything that I have craved in relationship with Jesus, in life... it's so cool. He's a brother in Christ and yet I feel reading his poetry that we're family. My heart burns everytime I read his poetry. I've never been so stirred by poetry.... except for Bradley Hathaway...and my friend from way back when...Ryan Joseph Gunnarson. I'm so... so grateful for the body of Christ. I've shared about one of my sisters and brothers in Christ... but i have so many other brothers and sisters, mothers and fathers, grandfathers and grandmothers in Christ that I am so ridiculously grateful for as well!!! Thank you, Jesus. You knew that I needed them. But then again, more so than them, I need you!!! You truly are my EVERYTHING! True story.
I wonder.... New car...replaced battery.... hmmm.... oh the beauty and adventure of the unknown *smile*
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
STRONG CHALLENGE.... first card!!! day one (for me :) )....
So, a church in Cincinnati.... an INCREDIBLE, POWERFUL, SHAKING THE WORLD church called CROSSROADS (www.crossroads.net) is doing an all-church journey with a bunch of churches in the Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky area... and I found everything to join in online...so, I'm going to do it... so, i just did day one: I chose a card about writing down the top 10 things you are grateful for and then saying a short one(ish *smile*) line pray of thankfulness about each...
Ten things I am grateful for....
#1: Jesus being playful with me and His whispers within my heart that grasp me in such a powerful way!
*Jesus, thank you for your love and for romancing me with your playfulness and sharing your heart with me in the everyday moments!
#2: For a house to live in, a car to drive, and clothing in my closet
*Jesus, I've been internationally and have seen the lack of bare necessities and I am so blessed to have what I need. Thank you for providing...even when it doesn't look like I would imagine it to look like!
#3: My family
* I am blessed with an amazing Dad who loves me and cares for me, a Momfriend who I can share my heart and life and has incredible wisdom and an Ericka who knows me better than anyone and with whom I can be me, and a Tiffany with whom I can be goofy and laugh with and also ask deep questions with...she's not afraid to get into the messy bits of life and come out a bit messy! Thank you for giving me an incredible family!
#4: QUALITY friendships!
*I am blessed with a group of amazing, quality, genuine, and loving friendships with guys and girls more than I can fully comprehend. I am so thankful for them! They have saved me life and added so much that could not have been possible without them!
#5: A healthy body!
*Having worked at a hospital, I do not take this lightly and am so grateful that my physical body is strong, and a fighter! Thank you for your protection over my physical body, Jesus!
#6: 2 AWESOME jobs!
*I have two jobs in which I love both of them and have an amazing source of income in them! In a low economy I have been blessed with two jobs in which I love and am super grateful for!!!
#7: The ability to read!
* I am grateful to be able to read and input information. I have such a craving for knowledge... and being able to learn, and read books and dive into stories is such a huge privilege and joy!
#8: Kansas City!
*This has been one of the most challenging, grating, rough, painful, and least desirable adventure...and yet I have already learned more than I can fully comprehend and am so incredibly grateful to be able to be here and away from my comfortableness and embrace my honeymoon with Jesus!
#9: Haiti!
*Going to Haiti in May was one of the most incredible trips that I have taken and one that has been engrained upon my heart. One that I will not soon forget and one where every mention of Haiti stirs my heart a little. I am grateful for this trip reminding me to get outside of myself...which to do anything for them at any point would not be a sacrifice, it would be a joy!
#10: My future husband!
*By faith, I know that I know that I know that there is a man of God with whom God is and has already been orchestrating our love story. By faith, I am grateful for him... by faith I love him and by faith I am grateful that he will find me and that I'll get to spend the rest of my life and enjoy each adventure with him!
......... this has been one amazing, lovely, rainy Monday. I liked today. *smile*
ps: and I get to end the day with a lovely QUALITY conversation with one of my bestest friends, Cazi LaRee...and that was wonderful!
Ten things I am grateful for....
#1: Jesus being playful with me and His whispers within my heart that grasp me in such a powerful way!
*Jesus, thank you for your love and for romancing me with your playfulness and sharing your heart with me in the everyday moments!
#2: For a house to live in, a car to drive, and clothing in my closet
*Jesus, I've been internationally and have seen the lack of bare necessities and I am so blessed to have what I need. Thank you for providing...even when it doesn't look like I would imagine it to look like!
#3: My family
* I am blessed with an amazing Dad who loves me and cares for me, a Momfriend who I can share my heart and life and has incredible wisdom and an Ericka who knows me better than anyone and with whom I can be me, and a Tiffany with whom I can be goofy and laugh with and also ask deep questions with...she's not afraid to get into the messy bits of life and come out a bit messy! Thank you for giving me an incredible family!
#4: QUALITY friendships!
*I am blessed with a group of amazing, quality, genuine, and loving friendships with guys and girls more than I can fully comprehend. I am so thankful for them! They have saved me life and added so much that could not have been possible without them!
#5: A healthy body!
*Having worked at a hospital, I do not take this lightly and am so grateful that my physical body is strong, and a fighter! Thank you for your protection over my physical body, Jesus!
#6: 2 AWESOME jobs!
*I have two jobs in which I love both of them and have an amazing source of income in them! In a low economy I have been blessed with two jobs in which I love and am super grateful for!!!
#7: The ability to read!
* I am grateful to be able to read and input information. I have such a craving for knowledge... and being able to learn, and read books and dive into stories is such a huge privilege and joy!
#8: Kansas City!
*This has been one of the most challenging, grating, rough, painful, and least desirable adventure...and yet I have already learned more than I can fully comprehend and am so incredibly grateful to be able to be here and away from my comfortableness and embrace my honeymoon with Jesus!
#9: Haiti!
*Going to Haiti in May was one of the most incredible trips that I have taken and one that has been engrained upon my heart. One that I will not soon forget and one where every mention of Haiti stirs my heart a little. I am grateful for this trip reminding me to get outside of myself...which to do anything for them at any point would not be a sacrifice, it would be a joy!
#10: My future husband!
*By faith, I know that I know that I know that there is a man of God with whom God is and has already been orchestrating our love story. By faith, I am grateful for him... by faith I love him and by faith I am grateful that he will find me and that I'll get to spend the rest of my life and enjoy each adventure with him!
......... this has been one amazing, lovely, rainy Monday. I liked today. *smile*
ps: and I get to end the day with a lovely QUALITY conversation with one of my bestest friends, Cazi LaRee...and that was wonderful!
Friday, October 7, 2011
The motions of my heart in song lyrics....
"Have Your Way" by: Britt Nicole
Feels like I've been here forever
Why can't You just intervene?
Do You see the tears keep falling?
And I'm falling apart at the seams
But You never said the road would be easy
But You said that You would never leave
And You never promised that this life wasn't hard
But You promised You'd take care of me
So I'll stop searching for the answers
I'll stop praying for an escape
And I'll trust You God with where I am
And believe that You will have Your way
Just have Your way, just have Your way
When my friends and my family have left me
And I feel so ashamed and so cold
Remind me You take the broken things
And turn them into beautiful
So I'll stop searching for the answers
I'll stop praying for an escape
And I'll trust You God with where I am
And believe that You will have Your way
Just have Your way, just have Your way
Even if my dreams have died
And even if I don't survive
I'll still worship You with all my life
My life, yeah
And I'll stop searching for the answers
I'll stop praying for an escape
And I'll trust You God with where I am
And believe that You will have Your way
Just have Your way, just have Your way
I know You will, I won't forget
You love me, have Your way
Feels like I've been here forever
Why can't You just intervene?
Do You see the tears keep falling?
And I'm falling apart at the seams
But You never said the road would be easy
But You said that You would never leave
And You never promised that this life wasn't hard
But You promised You'd take care of me
So I'll stop searching for the answers
I'll stop praying for an escape
And I'll trust You God with where I am
And believe that You will have Your way
Just have Your way, just have Your way
When my friends and my family have left me
And I feel so ashamed and so cold
Remind me You take the broken things
And turn them into beautiful
So I'll stop searching for the answers
I'll stop praying for an escape
And I'll trust You God with where I am
And believe that You will have Your way
Just have Your way, just have Your way
Even if my dreams have died
And even if I don't survive
I'll still worship You with all my life
My life, yeah
And I'll stop searching for the answers
I'll stop praying for an escape
And I'll trust You God with where I am
And believe that You will have Your way
Just have Your way, just have Your way
I know You will, I won't forget
You love me, have Your way
Sunday, October 2, 2011
SUNDAY'S...
Sunday used to be my favorite day of the week... it was like within my week, every other day was leading up to Sunday. When I moved to Kentucky, I had to fight for liking my Sunday, because the hospital I worked at made me work every other Sunday. For years, there was this level of refreshment that Sunday would bring... at church, the power of community and the people I loved, digging deep into the Word, Sunday football with my amazing friends, an occasional Sunday nap, worshipping Jesus in community...it was just lovely and powerful... When I moved to Kentucky, it slowly transitioned... With having to work 3 til 1130 shook up my lovely Sunday... my friends being separated to different destinations... an awkwardness within new friendships randomly... I did love the "meat and potatoes" of the Word that was spoken my TheBridge pastor: Pastor Bo Weaver... I miss that. And I LOVED talking to, listening to, praying with, connecting with the 412youth... I miss that. But, I did miss watching Sunday football... I love watching football, but with others. So, if my future husband likes football, it could be quite fantastic for us to build community by hosting football at our home... however, I'll be the lady watching the game *smile*.... Anyways...where this thought is leading...
In conversation with Jesus, I realized my #1 goal to be here in Kansas City is:
for my heart to be tenderized!
One part I'm realizing is that my perspective of church has been massively adulterated... Through so many stories I will not detail to glorify them... just that I've had MULTIPLE situations that people that should know better have wounded me. I'm not mad at them. Hurt people hurt people. One of the best pieces of advice that my Mom has given me. However, the wounding has caused me heart to be wounded. Most are scars... some open wounds that God is healing. However, I feel like church and being in relationship with Jesus in community has been wounded and adulterated for me. It has been a few weeks since I've visited any churches in Kansas City. This morning, Jesus was challenging my heart that this is a season because I need people. However, my heart is an open wound right now. I don't know if I want to walk right back into it. I've heard the church referred to as a hospital... but here in Kansas City, I don't feel comfortable or trusting enough to walk into any church needing to be a patient. Wow. That is messed up. As a lover of Jesus, I don't feel strong enough to walk into any church with the vulnerability that I feel. That thought and reality is making my heart and stomach become sick. That is the purpose of the body of Christ, and yet, I don't feel comfortable walking into a church here. I miss theBridge. There were only a few, but a few that I felt honest and vulnerable with on both sides. Love those kind of two way honest friendships!
So, this is my challenge to come back to an unadulterated perspective of church and to jump back in. Why do I feel like I need a push, someone to push me off this cliff because I feel paralyzed by fear. I want to have that childlike faith to jump back in, but I'm scared. If you get burned by a hot stove, your brain makes a mental note, to not walk back and touch that stove. In the past, I've walked back to those "hot stove" people and chosen to trust, chosen to jump back in, and yet, that is not my natural lately... and that, that is why I desperately need my heart to be re-tenderized again!
Oh Jesus, would you give me the strength to face the moments where my heart feels tough? Holy Spirit, would you tenderize my heart... because being here is not about me, not about my wants, my desires. I choose you.
In conversation with Jesus, I realized my #1 goal to be here in Kansas City is:
for my heart to be tenderized!
One part I'm realizing is that my perspective of church has been massively adulterated... Through so many stories I will not detail to glorify them... just that I've had MULTIPLE situations that people that should know better have wounded me. I'm not mad at them. Hurt people hurt people. One of the best pieces of advice that my Mom has given me. However, the wounding has caused me heart to be wounded. Most are scars... some open wounds that God is healing. However, I feel like church and being in relationship with Jesus in community has been wounded and adulterated for me. It has been a few weeks since I've visited any churches in Kansas City. This morning, Jesus was challenging my heart that this is a season because I need people. However, my heart is an open wound right now. I don't know if I want to walk right back into it. I've heard the church referred to as a hospital... but here in Kansas City, I don't feel comfortable or trusting enough to walk into any church needing to be a patient. Wow. That is messed up. As a lover of Jesus, I don't feel strong enough to walk into any church with the vulnerability that I feel. That thought and reality is making my heart and stomach become sick. That is the purpose of the body of Christ, and yet, I don't feel comfortable walking into a church here. I miss theBridge. There were only a few, but a few that I felt honest and vulnerable with on both sides. Love those kind of two way honest friendships!
So, this is my challenge to come back to an unadulterated perspective of church and to jump back in. Why do I feel like I need a push, someone to push me off this cliff because I feel paralyzed by fear. I want to have that childlike faith to jump back in, but I'm scared. If you get burned by a hot stove, your brain makes a mental note, to not walk back and touch that stove. In the past, I've walked back to those "hot stove" people and chosen to trust, chosen to jump back in, and yet, that is not my natural lately... and that, that is why I desperately need my heart to be re-tenderized again!
Oh Jesus, would you give me the strength to face the moments where my heart feels tough? Holy Spirit, would you tenderize my heart... because being here is not about me, not about my wants, my desires. I choose you.
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