a late Saturday night...

After I got off of work tonight, I deposited my money into the bank, and then decided to stop at the Red Box rental near our Walgreens and see if there were any good movies, I read the description to "Flipped" and was intrigued... it was a really great movie!!!

Real life moments filled with hilarious moments... I loved how the story was shown from Bryce's perspective followed by Julie's!

It reminded me a lot about me. I never stalked any guy... well, that i know of... *laugh*... but I've had quite a few unrequited love scenario's... far more than i'd like to admit. However, I have learned a lot about life, love, and what I really want in my future husband.

A couple nights ago, I was confronted with some harsh words that were said to me by a man that I really liked, dare I say I loved him. Words that I don't think I admitted hurt, but they did. I've forgiven him for saying them, but I don't think I ever let go of the words. Part of me thinks that I've held onto them tightly since then. Because I trusted him. I'm not mad at him. Regardless of why they were said, they stuck. Enough is enough. Jesus, will you come and cleanse my heart... would You take the words that have been inscribed within my heart, the words that have stuck... would You release them. Would You shake them off of me... I don't want to carry them anymore. I want to throw them down and grab onto Your truth... Your life... I receive Your freedom, Jesus.

There are so many things that I loved about this movie... I love the conversation about being greater than the some of all of your parts.  And the flat, shiny, iridescent conversation.

I want to be iridescent. It's...
               **defined as: showing luminous colors that seem to change when seen from different angles
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This really is an interesting season of life. Not only am I away from all of the people that are so comfortable to me, but i don't like anyone....and I'm good with that. I'm just praying that God will orchestrate it all in His timing, His way.... He knows. That's why I can't just pick someone, I can't randomly... He knows whose strengths that I'll compliment the best... That's why I'm not just going to pick somewhere I want to move to. I want His adventure. God, I'll wait... i'll wait on your timing. It doesn't matter what I feel or don't like about this season... I trust You. And with all of my heart, I will wait on Your timing..Your way...for Your glory.

in the valley of decision, i found a gorgeous park... *smile*

I don't fully know the why, but I feel like this next decision for this next season will make a huge impact. I could be wrong and I could be overstating everything, but my spirit feels like greatness is a foot. I don't want to be great in this world... i don't want to be popular, rich... i just want to love. To love the poorest of the poor with everything within me. To get in the dirt and get dirty with those you love to the ends of the earth. But I don't want to do it out of me... out of who I am... I want to do it out of You, Your love, Jesus and the depth of who you are!

For 2012...i want to be, genuinely, for real rooted and grounded in You. I want my joy to be solely rooted in You despite my circumstances. I want my presence to alter the atmosphere not because of me but because of who You are within me. Would you trust me? Would you trust me to go to the nations?  Alongside this I want to go to a deeper level of discipline this year. Discipline in seeking after You, a physically excellent discipline, a mental discipline to learn the knowledge that I need to soak in to be able to go and be what You want me to be.

I don't know what the next step looks like, but I refuse to just pick and make a decision. I will wait on the Lord... I will force myself to wait...to wait on You, my God.