…'twas the day of the best…. and of the worst…

Today, I was the best and worst version of myself. Reflecting on today, I see moments where I was strong in His strength, where I loved without question, where I chose to deny myself… moments where I was the best Amy with confidence, beauty, and freedom. Today, I said no A.L.O.T.  A friend from school and I hung out. When I asked her what she wanted to do, she said shopping. As a girl on a budget with a mission, I knew this was going to be adventurous. I'm not a huge shopper… and I would not say I have a problem in the shopping arena of life, but when you go shopping with a friend peer pressure is definitely a factor, and it is hard to say no when you find something…. but as a Dave Ramsey girl, it is easier to say no when you know it is definitely outside of your budget. And in this season of only working for money two days a week, my budget is so condensed I do not have much room and especially this month and next because my friend Kelly and I are going to play sand volleyball. It is funny to add something else to my schedule. I thought the only thing I could add would be a significant other… because there's always room in my life for love *giggle*…. and yet, I think this is the best decision Kelly and I have made and oh how I am excited to add that…. but paying for the season took a bit out of my budget…. oh but how it will be worth it! Indeed! Anyways, I digress. All that to say, the afternoon conversationally was amazing… despite saying no over and over and over left me a bit tired… it really is like a muscle… so, tonight, I saw the not so pretty side of myself. I fell into temptation… oy. It is like the I do what it is I do not want to do and what it is I want to do, I don't. I have to forgive myself… shower grace, and shake it off and move on. I think the enemy is still mad about Saturday night, so, he saw an opportunity and took it. Well, I may have lost this one and as much as I chose the temptation and fell. However, I'm not going out…. I'm waking up and its game over. I refuse to react… I'm all in.

Internship thoughts and observations.... and ramblings..

At my internship today, there have been so many clients calling in with divorce and child custody problems... as HGTV plays in the background with couples fighting to give up what they want in "love it, or list it" housing for their families. My heart is breaking... this can't be what God dreamed of when he instituted the man and woman in the covenant of marriage. It is encouraging me as a single girl onward to continue to allow God to break down the high places and the fleshly parts of me in favor of the character of who He is, so that in his timing, I can be a great wife. Not because of me, but because I'm allowing His fires to refine the brokenness within me and letting Holy Spirit teaching me how to love my husband well. I listened to a podcast even this morning where the pastor was talking about that the statistics for divorce are 1 in 2. 1 in 2. What a sobering thought. 1 in 2. Interestingly so, he went on to state that the research has found (and backed it up with saying that Dr. Phil had quoted this statistic) that for couples who pray together, 1 in 15,000 divorce. Wow. Wow.

Anyways.... I had a realization that had me giggling today. The desk where I sit and the set-up is quite similar to Pam from the Office. She's my favorite character on the Office.... so it was quite fun.... now if only I could find Jim! *laugh*

I must say... I like the eb and flow of life. Last week was quite crazy school and internship...and everything. This week... I just looked over everything.. and it is going to be a slower paced week even in the midst of what I do have. Excited for the eb. *smile* ... maybe I shall have more time for running this week *giggle*

Unconditionally****** Larger Story versus the Smaller Story of life…...

Friday night on my run, the song "Unconditionally" by Katy Perry came across my playlist and as I was listening to it, something hit me brand new. Instead of a challenge to love the people in my life unconditionally, I saw it in a new light. Today, I was reminded of my God's unconditional love that floods all around me. Steady. True. Constant. And how I can love Him back in varying degrees. That I do not love Him unconditionally. I want to. What does that look like??

For me, that looks like choosing to love and set my focus when I don't understand. When I question. When I am surrounded by Why's. When I don't understand his ways, but resting in his love. Not being stress-y in His love, but resting, and leaning into His love despite the lack of answer's to my why's.

Oh how runs are so good and powerful for my physical body and also my heart, my spirit, and my view on the world. Friday night's run awakened this revelation about living life in the larger story versus the smaller stories… and throughout the weekend, I was thinking about that and how powerful the realization is of this.

Okay, so, we live our lives that includes friendships, relationships of all sorts, jobs, dreams, daily to-do stuff and although, these are important, this is what defines the "smaller story" … the story increases when your life meets another--- such as a friend, a significant other, or a family member…. but the larger story…. the larger story is the community you are living in, the macro part of life (social work terminology)…. the world at large, continents, countries…. So, the thought is that one of the ways the enemy distracts and paralyzes is when we focus on the smaller stories. Even a friendship, relationship, or someone in our family…. maybe a dream that has died, a career path, a desire unmet, even an adventure undiscovered. When you are so focused on that "small" story, you are unable to see the larger story… the bigger picture. You have a sort of blinders on.

Now, this is pure theory. This, I believe can be one piece of the puzzle that ushers in addictions, even divorce. For instance, in marriage (this is coming from a never been married girl, who hopes one day to encounter that joy) if our world is just you and me…. it can be kind of suffocating. We were made for the larger story. We were made to live our lives outside of us. And if it is just you and me and our little life, there is no adventure to take on, no battle to fight in, no story that takes us outside of us. I want to join up with my future husband and take on the world together… to fight for something larger.. to live on that larger story scale.

So, a few days ago, Holy Spirit was showing me my life presently and the elements of my life and challenging me to live on that larger story scale instead of staring at one piece or another with wondering. But to be fully present- to follow my feet and be intentional with each step. Here. In this season.

Today is Labor Day. I am off of everything--- work, internship, school, volunteer…. So thankful for a day to rest and not labor *smile*…. it is so good for my heart. And this evening, I get to be and relax with the quality people.

"There is a season for every activity under heaven…" …. this season is definitely teaching me the beauty of pockets of rest. But oh how I love it. Under 100 days!!!! *giggle*

This is from a month ago, but this amazing group of people had a game night this past Wednesday… lets just say amazingness was had!!!