Clark Kent and Superman….

Journaling today, I had a revelation. When you meet anyone in life, you see their Superman side. The things that make them awesome, the things that blow you out of the water in the person they are... The things that make you look at them like they are a work of art. Their Superman side.

But then, you build depth in their relationship. You get to know them beyond the surface. You learn their story and begin to build intimacy and depth in your relationship--- you see their human side, weaknesses, and various quirks and you begin to see their Clark Kent side.

Every person has a Superman side and a Clark Kent side… to love someone is to love the entirety of the person.

I have a theory--- I think in marriage, so many husbands and wives, forget about the Superman side… because they do see that Clark Kent side within everyday life.  There is a need to be intentional about celebrating the Superman and Clark Kent sides of a person. Yes, it is awesome to see that Superman side of any person, but when you get the honor, the privilege for someone to trust you with their story and you see the Clark Kent, that… that is beautiful.

"Love is the only gold." -Alfred Lord Tennyson

Sometimes a holy place moment can happen within a church, in a park,  on a trail or over coffee- tonight, I had a holy place moment at a movie theater.

I went to see a movie by myself. I have done it before, I just knew it was something I needed to do. When I entered my twenties as a single girl, I made a promise to never not do something just because I was single. So, I went and I am so glad I did.

I saw "Old Fashioned."

It was amazing.

It was an empty movie theater, Jesus, and me. I just love dates with Jesus. It was just what my heart needed so deeply. I was talking to my Mom a couple of nights ago about what Jesus has been doing in my heart and mind and what He has been asking of me the last couple of weeks, her response was simply- "It sounds like a set-up for growth." That was one of the first deep breathes of refreshing I took. And then, tonight, as I watched this movie, it wasn't me falling for Clay Lawson, even though it was hard not to be blown away by the human he is and the man he was choosing to be. Tonight was about something much deeper. I wasn't going for the romance elements or the "chick-flick" nature, I went because I felt my heart and hope was deflated.

Tonight, I walked into that movie theater with my hope nearly destroyed. I walked into that movie theater with my hope feeling like a deflated balloon. I walked into that movie theater with a heart fighting to stay open when everything inside me is screaming to shut down and walk away. I walked out of that movie theater with hope coursing through my veins. Hope to believe that I can experience a love story that goes beyond what this world creates. Hope to believe that my future husband is on this planet and that in God's timing, he will wholeheartedly pursue me. Hope to believe that God is a God of redemption and healing of wounds and pains of the past. It also stirred this craving to dig deeper into the Word.

It's interesting how the day after Valentines Day, I was texting with a dear friend and we were talking about how we both craved a love story beyond what this world defines. Her fellow and her are intentionally seeking that and it is breathtaking to hear their story. I am not in a hurry to get married or have a family, if God orchestrates a story and that comes about, I am all in. I'm not in a hurry, but….

I'm excited for the love story between my future husband and me. I don't know if I would have said that three-ish hours ago. I have hope- and husband, wherever you are, sharing life with you for the rest of our lives makes the journey worth it. Baby, I long to share life with you, but only with Him as our center and in His timing. See you soon then, husband.

One of the many amazing, incredibly, fantastic quotes in the movie that I loveeeee…

"Maybe love doesn't have to be perfect to be worth it."

It was a good night. *smile*

SNOW daysssssss ***

I'm originally from Ohio…. I grew up in Cleveland, Ohio and then my family moved to Cincinnati, Ohio. I've grown up with snow and have had a love affair with the beautiful flakes since I was a little girl. A love affair that continues on to this day. I remember a month ago, having no clue it was going to snow and I could see from where I was rolling linens the beautiful, gorgeously ginormous snowflakes falling and I got all giddy, giggly and excited! For the past almost three years, I have lived in Nashville, Tennessee. A place where snow is a rare visitor. So rare that my field supervisor contacted her city council person via Facebook to ask them when they were going to clear her area (a taste of the lady she is… it makes me smile in her confident, liberal, fight for what I believe way--- it is fun at my internship) … the city council person responds and informs Kerry that Nashville is not equipped with enough plows and that snow comes so rare, they don't see plows as a high priority to invest funds into…. Oh this Ohio girl is laughing so much. So, we had a lot of Sunday beginning late into Sunday night, early Monday morning. It was ice pellets for the majority of it which was created this lovely ice foundation under everything, which has turned unplowed areas, like my apartment complex into an outdoor natural ice-skating ponds…. So, since Sunday night, I have only driven to my internship on Thursday morning. Classes, Kairos, GIRLS Ranch, and tonight, work has been canceled because of the snow.

Being snowed in has been lovely for refreshment and relaxing…. a slower pace. I've been reading, studying, watching movies… it has been lovely. However, it is now Friday…. and I super incredibly stir crazy. My lovely introverted roommates are lovingggg this…. I need to go and do and be with people. They are happy to just sit, croquet, and watch their crazy Blacklist show… hilarious…. I love them so much… but this extrovert needs to get outtttttt and talk, work, study, be out and about….. oh goodness….. hilarious. Hilarious.

Speaking of getting out, my sister wants to go to the store!!!! This girl is outttttttt. *giggle*

"Just trust me…"

Yesterday morning, I was journaling, reading the Bible, and seeking my God… I was fighting for my time with the God. I was hecka distracted and incredibly stir crazy. We had some ice and snow in Nashville in a way this city was not prepared for. Things were cancelled and so, I stayed. For wisdom, for relaxation… for a slower pace. So…. I'm studying, talking to Jesus, processing, sharing, and then I paused… and He. Spoke. I never could have guessed what was coming. He brought this picture that my sister posted on Instagram to my mind:

He then began to talk to me about a dream that was born in my heart my senior year of high school. He showed me I had been clinging to and suffocating it. It's not that it's a bad dream and He told me that its not about him giving the dream back to me or not, but that I had to hold it open handed and trust if He didn't give it back.

There were tears. I did not want to let go. I like me with this dream. I like the possibility of this dream. He showed me I even began to define my identity as a result of this dream. I DID NOT want to let go. It felt like He was taking a piece of me. I just finished the book "Scary Close" by Donald Miller. A book that challenged, inspired, and encouraged me onward as I whispered "me too"…. because this book was so fresh in my mind and heart, I was open to this conversation with Jesus. I still did not want to let go. The only reason I finally released my grasping fingers was Him. I. Trust. Him. I trust Him. I don't understand so many times the why but I know His heart for me and that I can trust His love over me. I trust that if He doesn't give me this dream back there is great purpose. I trust His ways. I trust Him. So, I let go. I do not know what it will look like and it scares me. But then, I catch His gaze. I fix my eyes on His over me and I know that He is worth it. He. Is. Worth. It. 

I. Didn't. Run.

Hi, my name is Amy and I am a runner who does not trust cars when I run. On Monday, I almost got hit by a car. The only way I can explain not getting hit is my amazing, incredible guardian angels. I think I have two. One who in my mind looks and acts like Eowyn from Lord of the Rings…. I think of this because I think the warrior, spirit of me looks and acts like Eowyn…. And the other is a man who has enough muscle power to protect me in my clumsy moments but not too much muscle because I am not the girl who goes weak in the knees for a man with muscles. I have other things in a man that make me "weak in the knees." Anywayssss, I digress…. I am so thankful for my angels and God's protection.

So, I was on a run today thinking and shocked by how close I was to that craziness. My mind thought about where I am and where my heart has been and what it is currently experiencing. Almost 72 hours without tears…. until writing this post at least….Holy Spirit captivated my thoughts and reminded me of who I used to be. I am a feeler, naturally. I feel what people are going through and am super aware as to the atmosphere around me which I believe is and will continue to be a strength within social work. When it was at its immature stage in my early twenties, I would feel so much, I didn't know what to do so I would run. I do not mean- go for a run, because running had not won my heart yet. I remember one time I was in downtown Cincinnati at the incredible WEBN Labor Day fireworks with a group of friends and also with what literally felt like the whole city of Cincinnati---- A LOT of people, oh, but the fireworks make navigating the crowds more than worth it. So, I got into one of these emotional moods and ran--- I disappeared off by myself, I just had to get away--- this was before the time of everyone having a cell phone and I scared my sister so much because she didn't know where I was. Another time, I was with my first love and friends at the same WEBN Labor Day fireworks and a conversation he had with me sent me into an emotional whirlwind to such a degree that I ran again. He did chase me down, somehow found me, and we talked everything through.  A man in my life who is like my brother, Danny, climbed on my parents roof to make me talk to him in the middle of one of the times I ran to my room drowning from emotions. I wouldn't let anyone in, but Danny got through.

Now,  I can barely remember who that girl is. Its not me. I have developed an emotional maturity and a healthy response to any whirlwind. I completely forgot about this until Holy Spirit showed me today. Sometimes you don't know you are healed until a situation presents itself and you act differently.  My heart has been hurting this past week ..really bad. I didn't go to school because I knew I would have physically been there but in every other way, I would not have. I have not felt heart pain like this for yearsssssss, but I didn't run. I stood in the tension, I talked everything through, I communicated, I fought. I didn't run.

I. Didn't. Run.