writing ** A L T I T U D E ^^ rhythms and habits

On Friday, after visiting patients, accomplishing tasks, meeting families, all of the everyday pieces of my job that I do in rounds, I came back to my desk to a piece of paper. It was from our Assistant Director of Nursing asking me to proofread a recommendation letter for one of her techs applying to Nursing School. To explain what that simple task did to my soul can only be explained as reawakening this side of me that has been on the back burner in the last couple of years. It is a piece of me and I have been having this wondering about my writing being brought back to life like a dormant volcano in 2019. I think it is happening. I marked up that paper with recommendations and ideas. What she wrote was good, but I wanted to create what she wanted to say and make it stand out. It was fun. I deeply enjoyed it.

My parents told me quite a few years back they always thought I was going to be a writer. I wanted to be a photographer, and yet as time went on, I let that dream sizzle and I have never looked back. Also, I really, wanted to be a professional soccer player, and yet, I also let that dream go, after playing to my fullest investment of the sport…. it may be moreso that my knees let that dream go. However, this love for the written word has never left me. I don't know how this will translate. I do have a book that has been stirring within me… a few of those… so, maybe, just maybe I will be an author… or it could look differently… but I am on the journey… step by step.

Tonight, for my friend, Laura's birthday, we went to see the movie, On the Basis of Sex. The movie told the story of Ruth Bader Ginsberg. Phenomenal. A few of the scenes were of her sitting and typing on a typewriter. Although, I do not have a typewriter, I will write more. I want to write intelligently.. thoroughly.. with purpose.. to make changes.. studying.. learning.. inspiring.. creating change.

And so, I write.

My word for the 2019 year is  ** A L T I T U D E **

I had all of these good ideas, and then so sweetly, God asked if I wanted my word or His. Immediately, my heart responded with a resounding "yours!" A few days later, he gave me the word::

 A L T I T U D E ** the vertical elevation of an object above a surface

He began to teach me, that, to experience the altitude my spirit is craving in my life on every level, I am going to change my rhythms, alter my habits, letting some things go, and clinging to others. I feel like there are things that were okay that will, in this new dimension, be no longer okay… and that makes me very, very excited. New trails to be blazed… new growth… new learning.. with His lead and guiding, it is sure to be incredible…

This month, He has been zeroing in on my rhythms and routines. He is revealing to me, these, exposing them in such a sweet way that is making me WANT to change them, not a forcing, but an inspiringly, calling me to a higher level kind of way! *smile* and it is wonderful!

values tested in the fire and crushing unbelief ^^

I am learning lately that it is one thing to say "This is what I believe" "This is a value in my life" "This is important to me"and it is quite a different reality when you are placed in a situation to live it out.

I don't gossip. I fight to not gossip. I fight to stand in a world of gossip and to walk away. It is quite another when you are sitting with one of your highest leaders and they are asking you to gossip and you stand your ground, stating respectfully it is your value- professionally and personally.

I like me. I have fought for 30 something years to come to a place where I can genuinely, deeply say that. I have lots of growth ahead… and places that need to be sharpened, but I like me. In the face of not being chosen by a man I had growing affections for, I have had to stand strong in the belief that I am a woman worthy of being pursued, adored, and cherished… that I am not a second choice… that I am a leading lady.

I have a wonderful life with amazing friends, a wonderful church, a home that feels like home, a job that I enjoy doing right now… and in the face of the holidays with my two sisters and their fellows, I had to live out that I am enough, even when I am not in a relationship… and that doesn't make me second best in any way… even when well meaning family is throwing that on me.

Over and over… opportunities to live out and step into what I believe.

Today, in Crosspoint Kids, I got the game trophy at the 1:00PM service. They encouraged me on the way I was teaching the kids and keeping them engaged in the small group time. It was an encouragement that echoed exceedingly… and I expressed my thankfulness stating that it is not my natural element and it takes me outside of my comfort zone. Our Kids director encouraged me and challenged my unbelief in myself. Spiritually, it felt like his words and Jaclyn's words were crushing the belief in me that I am not a good teacher. Crushing words that were spoken over me by passed leadership…. it was as if their words were calling me into something higher… deeper…

So, to anyone who may be reading this, I leave you with this… know what you value, believe, your principles and stand strong when the fire tests… and allow the truth of God and what He says about you and who you are define you… not anyone else's assessment of you…. He may and probably will take you to a higher dimension than you ever imagined.