My voice is going away. I have no idea why. I have no other symptoms… minus a random cough that came today. Today is day four. Everyday it has progressed a little more.. and until the cough that appeared this morning, there were no other symptoms. So strange. I had a pretty full and enjoyable weekend planned. The Nurse Practitioner at worked stated quite abruptly, the only way to heal is vocal rest. So, today, at lunch, I texted all of my previous plans and wiped clean my entire weekend.
This weekend included a Friendsgiving, a Preds game, and serving the kids at church. I need my voice for all of those. And, as a Social Worker, especially for patients who already have a harder time hearing, I need my voice. So, I cleared it all.
It was a bit sad because the plans I made were all exciting and things I was looking forward to. I don't think God caused this to happen. That is not the heart of the God I know. However, this evening, I think… I know He is using it.
This life, our world is inundated with noise. From our phones and social media, to the radio, to the people all around us that our lives come into contact with… the music we listen to, the posts we read, the articles we browse, the podcast we dive into… its. everywhere. Noise.
"So He said, 'Go out and stand on the mountain before the Lord.' And behold, the Lord was passing by, and a great and powerful wind was tearing out the mountains and breaking the rocks in pieces before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind, [there was] an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake, [there was] a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire; and after the fire, [there was] the sound of a gentle blowing." ** 1 Kings 19.11-12
Sometimes. More times than I would care to admit, I allow the noise to silence Him… even when His voice is my favorite. I allow the noise to shut down my heart and mind. I allow it to clutter up my soul… and it feels like this weekend could be pivotal. This weekend could change the trajectory. This weekend will be one to shut out the noise… and create strategy.. a game plan.. to tune into His voice.. oh how my heart is already excited.
Tonight, I watched Grey's Anatomy. I still watch and enjoy that show… there was this scene with Richard, destroying a bar. And oh, how the tears flowed. And then I watched a Christmas romantic movie that lit my heart on fire.
Last weekend, I went to a CASA: Nashville Summit Conference. Amazing. So So Good. One of the speakers stated to each of us and look to the person next to us and answer the question- what area of your life inwardly or outwardly do you need to put a bandaid on? Speechless. I looked around the table of the ladies I had literally just met… I figured it was going to be best to answer honest, despite the freaking out of what it could bring forth. The lady I was talking to went first. I asked her for a moment to process. After sharing and processing through her answer, she looked at me and asked me. With the deepest, most genuine contemplation, I began to share that I would probably give my bandaid away. I began to share that I had gone to a very, very dark place… that created some deep wounds, and I had to have surgery.. but that I had gone through healing and finding joy in life and I felt more like me than I ever had (all of that I had known)… and then I continued. As I continued, I was completely amazed and taken back as I processed outwardly and shared about how I can see a little more of the why- I had been to such a dark place, I wasn't sure I would or could make it to 35.. and I had to fight like hell to get out of there. In present day now, at work, when my patients share with me that struggle, I am able to, instead of point at the dark hole/place… and encouraging them to come into the light. I can go to that place in and within myself to show them the way out… and that its not easy, but it can be done.
Oh I love how he works. So, lets do this. Silence and His voice…. blazing a new trail. **
