Friday……..

Tonight, I underestimated the attacks of Satan and this very real war we are in the middle of…. whether we acknowledge it or not. There is a God who loves us deeply, intimately, passionately… a God who is pursuing after His Bride… and there is an enemy- Satan who will stop at nothing to divert the attention of His Bride… to cause us to chase after other lovers… to distract… to attack us… tonight, the demonic attacked me. Within the course of ONE hour. Satan openly attacked with his demonic forces. I felt the attack. And within that very hour, my God pursued me. He sought after me. He chased me. I may have underestimated the attacks of Satan.. but tonight, he underestimated me. The warrior in me arose. Her strength is not to the level I desire… but my spirit rose up and I took action. And you want to know what else, I looked amazing doing it. It's kind of a really fun and beautiful combination of feeling the warrior rise up, even in small ways, and feeling beautiful at the same time. Oh… Oh my future husband missed out. I was alone…. besides my Jesus, and the sweet apartment worker man, I was alone. And yet…. and yet I wasn't…. my beautiful Mindy Lorene best friend was texting with me, my bestest guy friend, Chad, was centralized in his thinking giving me advice over the phone and then following up to make sure I was alright…. I got a package from my Meagan Louise best friend and my Kentucky momma, Chris…. and ALL of this literally in an hour. Whew….. John and Stasi Eldredge were not kidding…. and that play from my church when I was a little girl- "The Bride"…. I'm not reading this or watching this… I'm living it. This is real life. I'm not learning anymore… I'm walking it out… failing-succeeding-failing-failing-failing-conquering. This. Is. Real. Life. This life is oh so short and I want to know that I went after Kingdom. With my whole heart, my whole life. I want to pass out at the finish line of eternity, knowing that I gave it all I had. When I'm exhausted, instead of checking out, I want to dig deep, breathe deeply, set my face on HIS, gaze into His eyes and keep going. In a little over than three weeks, I graduate. I. Graduate. Oh how the reality of that has not set in yet. And yet, it has… and in so many ways, it hasn't. I had been working at this, enduring, persevering, making the difficult choices, saying no to so many somethings to go after this goal. And it is drawing nearer and nearer…..

I'm excited and yet so curious what the next chapter will look like. I don't know. I have peace. But, I don't know. I don't. And if I am completely honest, I want to punch every person who asks me what the next step and who, after I say that I don't know proceeds to give me ideas or input into what they think I should or could do. Yes, Yes I know they care…. blah-blah-blah…. I just want to punch them. Truly. And I'm not a violent person. It's not me. It's not my personality, and every time this happens, I want to punch them. To this point, I have not really punched anyone. We'll see what happens in the next three-ish weeks. This week was oh so emotional- EVERY.DAY. I wrote a list and there were HIGH emotional moments in EVERY. DAY. That's emotional enough and add to it the emotional culmination of my forth coming college graduation. Oh. My. I just want to curl up in my Jesus' arms and have Him take care of it all. I'm spent emotionally. and yet…… ** "….my strength in life is that I am yours…."

On a really fun, and yet again, high emotional moment, I saw that my grade for my LAST college paper was graded, and this professor grades hard…she's amazing, but she's an intense grader….. I look at my grade- 100%. I got a 100% on my LAST COLLEGE PAPER!!!! *giggle*…. That's one way to exit my MTSU undergraduate career! *smile*…. I celebrated after this emotional evening with cooking a grilled cheese and sauerkraut sandwich *smile*… I'm simple. It was delicious. If I would have chosen, it would have been with people…. but you know, that's okay. It's okay. All or most of all of my people are coming to either my graduation and/or my graduation party… and that's pretty amazing!!! *smile*…. #honored #loved

AND I get to graduate with this dear sweet Shannon Renee best friend of mine…..

(and yes, I have more than one best friend…I only have a few, but they each bring a different side of me and challenge me…. this one, I am oh so thankful for!!!)

BRAVEtheDARK15mileteamRELAY

Saturday night I ran the Brave the Dark 15 mile team relay to benefit G*I*R*L*S* Ranch. I ran with Mindy, Ashlly, Marshall, and Ericka. Within the race, there were 2: 3 mile loops, 2: 2 mile loops, and 1- 5 mile loop. We named ourselves "Beauties and the Beast." So, we ran. In the frigidness, and pitch black, we ran. Mindy began, followed by Ashlly, then my loop, Marshall's loop, and Ericka finished our race! I have never done a competitive running relay. The concept was so interesting to me, and the execution was even moreso. I have done a lot of races, but this was my first with the team element added. Within my loop, it was frigid, dark, and so to distract myself, I started conversation with Jesus. We started talking about the team elements of this race and how it is like life. There are people that God links us up with to do life and how we need each other in this journey. I started thinking about my future husband and whomever he is and wherever he is and Jesus started challenging me about my future spouse being someone with whom I will link up with. Reminding me that I want a man who will challenge me and call me to deeper places in God, I long for him to not only keep pace with me on the spiritual level, but calling me deeper, challenging each other onwards.... that together we would go diving in the depths with God... twas a beautiful wake-up call and reminder. A wake up call to keep pressing in and pursuing, to be a strength to my team, and a reminder of what my heart deeply desires.

worship || and the songs therein… *

" i can't see - what's in front of me - still i will trust you - still i will trust you…
.. though I can't see - what's in front of me - still i will trust you - still i will trust you "

I can't put to words how much I have loved this song. Since its release, I have listened to these words countless times… it speaks of a depth, a reality … of speaking who God is and trusting His ways. And yet, when I decided to listen once again to these poignant words, the worship came from a deeper place. It's like those thousands and thousands times prepared me for this time. It was as if tonight, I bore the fruit of what I called forth and planted in those worship services. For all of those times that I sang the words from the depths of my being, fighting even though it may not have been where I was… but I am there now. I need this. I am living this. Daily. Hourly. Minute by minute. If I am being completely honest, I need His lead more and more…. in every increasing depth. I do not need to know what is in front of me. I just have to- have to- have to- have to- have to- have to know that He is with me. That His fingers are interlaced in mine, that his hand is on my back leading what I cannot see, that His voice is whispering in my ear, even if it is not about what the next step might look like, and I need His love to wrap round about me. I trust His lead. I trust that He is a God who dreams extravagant dreams, I trust His timing. And tonight, I needed these words. So thankful for the worship I fought through to reap this moment.

" you are faithful - you will lead me - you are faithful - you will keep me - you are faithful - you will lead me on"

" ….together we will run "

Ah-ha moment….

On the way home from my internship today, I listened to this video.. it was in my podcast list. Amazing. This moment is one I shall not forget soon. This is the kind of marriage I want… to live. Missionally. I am so thankful I am not married, because I would have so easily slid into the ordinary ness of how people have defined marriage. Which is what I do not want. I choose kingdom. I love love love the Amazing Race analogy.

The mission… the beauty… the focus….

I will stay single if I live continually missionally. Some girls I have seen settle and loosen their standards as they get older. I want to tighten what it is I want in the man I adventure and missionaly walk through this life with. I want to be radical… to live Kingdom.

Challenge: Assume Action. I love that quote, but moreso how that could translate into my everyday life!

I love the missional-ness on Francis and Lisa Chan combined with their focus on Jesus coupled with their love for just being together in the mundane, everyday moments, that they enjoy just being together! Inspiring….. Hope.