Sometimes life is just funny. Sometimes outright, outloud...and other times subtly...
" a painting is more than just the sum of its parts"
I wonder what the next season of life will look...i wonder... I feel like I am at a crossroads of life... I feel like I will look back on this season of my life as I go onwards. I just don't know, and yet I crave wanting to know. I want to know. But I don't.
Is nursing where my heart really is... every course in the nursing program seems so out of my comfort zone and not me, and yet, maybe that is how God wants to show His glory in and through me...through my weakness. I really don't want to look back on my life and wish that I would have risked somehow...
Fear. Wow. Am I allowing fear to keep me from making decisions ... from fully and wholeheartedly committing to something. I just want to do whatever I do to glorify Jesus....that somehow through this little life of mine, he would be able to take me and send me... whether I am walking and blazing something that has never been done, or setting forth a path that others will walk and see the fruit come forth from... or maybe even being a transitional person, like I was in Kentucky.
Okay so this is it... everyone that I talk to from back home wants me to come home... friends and family... and there are some that "cold shoulder" me here... and besides the amazing people I work with a random moments with the roommates...there is no allure for me to stay here... I don't feel my heart being comfortable here... I don't regret coming to Kansas City. I'm guessing maybe with community, this might look different...oh my heart and head is so jumbled right now...
A few people at work noticed I wasn't me... it felt so good to my heart to be seen and known even that something was off... one of the guys, Jose, suggested sometimes it just good to start with nothing and go from there...
15 months in Cincinnati/Northern Kentucky... i like that. I could start at Brown Mackie College and get my associates. I could work at Brio on the Levee... or somewhere else.... I could live with Cazi and others... I could live with Alaina and Jamie... I could live with Dad and Mom... maybe, possibly... I could serve at the Bridge... I could engage in relationship with Erica Zauflick and Janet!! Miss those girls... I could get to spend time with Meagan, Alaina, Cazi, Mindy, Jo... *smile*... those girls just make me smile a lot... I could help Tiffany with Asher (who will born end of June) ... I could train to run a marathon!!!! Oh, that feels so good in my heart!!! I could help in 412!!!! I miss those youth... I could go to Crossroads... or the Bridge... I could spend time with my Dad and Mom!!!! There is so much possibility... and yet, none of it means anything, if it's not a God thing. It is meaningless if I'm just choosing comfortable... Life, it couldn't be the same as when I left...I can't... I was in a rut... way too comfortable. Way way so much!! It would have to look different...community, people, life... and yet... for but a season... I could see myself back home for a bit....
Hmmmm.....
Jesus.... not knowing...I trust You. Would you come forth and be OBVIOUS!!! Please???? i love you!!!
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