Hunger...

I'm hungry for God. I may have just ate a banana with almond butter and it twas delicious and nourishing for my physical body. And yet, my soul feels deprived. My soul starves. I want to go deeper. I don't want to live life in comfort, I don't want to be consumed with finding the answer to the next step- the next journey- the next adventure. I wait on Him. I don't know what it will look like, but I have faith big enough to believe that He will lead and guide. We are called to more. He wants to go deeper... but will I make the leap. The leap to run into Jesus, the leap to walk a different road, the leap to not be defined by the culture, the leap to be love.

I don't want to just walk through this life comfortable...even as a comfortable Christian. My soul craves more. I want to make an impact. I want to make a difference. I want to shake this world up. And none of it for my name or even to be remembered. But that people I have an effect on will see Jesus- for real. Not religion, not a do this-do that rules kind of guilt satisfying do gooder-ness, but instead pure, genuine, love... in the midst of my humanness, I only crave God to shine through my weakness.


"Wake up in the morning with the grind for the Most High on our mind."

"Any man who wants our heart will go to Christ knowing its in His possession"

So, I was talking to my amazing and incredible Mom on the phone a few days ago and I was sharing how my heart seems to be exploding with desire for my future husband- whoever he might be. Something rose up in my heart that was a desire deep within me. My Mom spoke forth truth about what sort of muscles that this man will have to have. Not physical muscles, but SPIRITUAL muscles! Seriously! It encouraged my heart and was oh so sweet to my spirit. I want a man that will lead. I want a man that will speak truth, encourage prayer. A man that will get dirty loving people above and beyond being nice and fancy. A man that will WANT to dig into the Word together and glean out the truth in its pages.

Alongside this was this craving to keep growing and being a woman who is worthy of such a man. I want to be a woman to encourage him to go deeper in God. I want to be a wife who will encourage His gifts and contribute mine and all that God has created within me. I want to be a worshipper of God. I want to be a woman who seeks above and beyond all to love her Lord, to seek after Him, and for that continually to be the driving force of my life.

He is going to be worth the wait. I know it. By faith, I know it... but I choose to keep running into Jesus and growing- confronting the things within me that are not like Jesus.

One thing that God revealed to my heart on the way home from work tonight was the selfishness that has come within my heart. This season has been a very solo, solitary kind of timing.... It's been rough, and yet good...however, because I am not fully involved in any person's life here in Kansas City, I have fallen into selfishness in conversation and deed. I want to kick it out- though it may take time and baby steps that enlarge, I will stand against this!

I get to go home for June in 6 days!! I am incredibly and fantastically excited about being home...*smile*... My mind and heart are quite awake. However, my eyeballs are finally submitting to sleep! *smile*