to feel.

there are moments when you see something and you're given an instant choice: to bypass the feeling and emotion or to face it and feel. it was a small context, but instead of just ignoring watching an injustice, i spoke up. it was definitely a foundational context, but i stood up and was ignored. i will not apologize for caring. i will not apologize for being sympathetic and compassionate. i will not apologize for standing up against injustice- not now, not never. something has to be said and i won't stand idly by and watch.

it was a "classic" movie. if that sets the precedent for classic movies- i don't want to see any more. it was a classic movie where i came in the middle of it and into a scene where a young woman was facing an injustice by a group of men. in america, you hear about human trafficking and the effects and the staggering statistics. statistics that make it so easy to grow numb to. statistics that seem so big, it makes even the biggest world changer wonder what kind of impact we can make. and yet in this classic movie context, it got very real. very fast. the longest minute and a half of movie reel has now shook up the core of who i am. i saw her emotion. i saw her brokenness and helplessness as I looked into her eyes. it's not okay. and yet, it didn't happen to me. this scene has played out though in many people. this scene has been reality to countless women. this scene has been a living reality to many girls. now, the question i face is what can i do....what am i going to do? because i choose to let myself feel. to not wipe it away- to not look the other direction- to not dismiss it as good acting. i choose to believe that by loving the one, that i can make a difference. that although i have come from a great family- there may be standards and a reality that i stand at that others may not agree with. and i don't care if i am the only one standing. i will stand and i will speak out. now, the question is- how will this shift the reality of my life. how will this moment of feeling alter this now twenty-eighth year of life. (it is now my birthday!!)

comfort isn't an option. just a pick and choose an awesome adventure destination has never been an option.

"when i don't understand, i will choose you...when i don't understand, i get to choose you, Lord God"..

i want to go deeper. i crave something beyond a husband and kids. not that there is anything wrong with that- because there definitely isn't... and i do desire that in some context- and yet, i want something beyond ordinary- something that bypasses my human grid of thinking- something that crosses over into a new level of kingdom and of what God dreams over my life. i want to be faithful in that- even when i wonder over the timing- even when i don't understand or see the next step- i trust. i choose to feel your spirit and to go where you lead...only you, Jesus.