learnings as a seed…. in transition… waiting to break through….

I'm a seed. I'm a seed in the ground. I can't see them but I feel my roots growing and expanding. Yet everything in my life is below the surface. There is zero evidence to back this up, but I strongly believe the season is about to change and for real, I will be ready when the game changes. I heard a TED talk from a friend of a friend about how "when one dream is on hold, go live another dream." Amazing. Or for me, when twenty some dreams are on hold, go live another one. So, I'm dreaming still…. and acting out on some dreams. I'm still holding those dreams deep within my heart in the secret places…. a social work job, my future husband, a family, missional kingdom dreams… anyways, I'm learning a lot in this in between, transition season.

Learnings like::::: * you make time for what and who is most important to you * failure is inevitable, sometimes multiple times daily, but in those moments you dust the dirt off and get up again * sometimes the not knowing is fun * just because one dream isn't coming into light doesn't mean it won't ever come and sometimes letting go is the best thing * people are important and should be deeply cherished * the enemy is afraid of me and what I am doing and will continue doing to his kingdom and i love that * sometimes one season isn't as much about the current season as much as it is about developing things that you need for the next season * when you cling onto a dream/vision/gift/season of life it can suck the life out of it and/or open the door for the disgustingness of selfishness to seep in (insert vomit here for a few months post graduation) * falling into God is actually the sweet place * and my favorite learning::: there is great power in the ability to be content regardless of circumstances and fully present to each moment.

My heart is breaking. Dallas - Nice, France - Minnesota - Baghdad  to name a few. My heart is breaking. The fact that we truly live in a love story set in the midst of war is truth. To ignore it is not okay. What can be done…. what does it look like to live love and to be a Christ follower in the midst of these tragedies. What does it look like to see the horrid acts that are being done in our country. It even seems like things are amping up more and more. Business as usual doesn't cut it anymore. It doesn't. We can't change everything, but to do nothing is not an option. I downloaded this album that I've been randomly using for running music. Its by Corey Russell and he is prophesying and speaking to such a powerful moment. One song is entitled Joel's Trumpets. He referenced a scripture I have really never fully drank in::

" 'Even now,' declares the Lord, 'return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning.' Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love and He relents from sending calamity. Who knows? He may turn and have pity and leave behind a blessing- grain offerings and drink offerings for the Lord your God." - Joel 2.12-14 -

Seriously…. that last part about that our God is a God that is slow to anger and abounding in love and …"Who knows? He may turn and have pity and leave behind a blessing." I love my God deeply, extravagantly… I want to continually grow in love for him, to know Him more, to encounter Him deeper in those secret places when its just me and him. I want more. I don't want to encounter Him at a level of scarcity, but of abundance… imagine the people of God, those He loves and who love Him interceding for our nation, our world that is so broken..brimming over with hatred, violence, that at the point where His judgment, that we rightfully deserve as the last days near, is about to be unleashed, that His Beloved Ones capture His heart and and who knows…that at the last moment, He doesn't yell ABORT! ABORT! And instead rain down His mercy, His grace, His love…. Who knows…. This world needs Him desperately…. and I don't know what His plan in fully and why what is happening is happening, but this I know… I'm in. I'm all in.

I watched with a great dedication, Beauty and The Beast: The TV show. There are three seasons on Netflix. It's amazing…. and its so interesting… the love story in the story between Catherine and Vincent, they continually talk about wanting to be normal…to live normal lives…. to be together…. and yet these story lines continually interrupt their desire for normalness in a bigger story… Watching one of these conversations, it got me thinking about like one of my favoriteeeeee marriage books: "You and Me Forever" by: Francis and Lisa Chan --- the concept that a marriage is stronger and even sweeter when it is outside of the small story of just the two people onto a bigger story line. Catherine Chandler finally grasps that concept with this line:::

"…we can overcome anything if we do it together…we're here for a reason. We're together for a reason, but its not just to love each other."

Oh how that stirs and awakens my heart to the bigger story I could share one day with my future husband. And yet, I'm not waiting to live my life on a bigger story line until our stories intersect. I'm doing in now. Small ways. Little ways of being love with skin on. Prayer (praying daily, intentionally for people, countries and such is something I have allowed to not be a priority in my life but I'm changing that). And as God opens bigger and bigger doors, I'll walk through…. but for now, the little doors are where he has me now and I choose to be faithful.