Sometimes fear strangles me…suffocates me… paralyzes me. I hate it… but it's true. Sometimes I allow it..and I don't fight back. I want to fight back and not be strangled, suffocated, or paralyzed.. I want to speak into the fear when I'm in the middle of it. I felt God calling me to jump off a cliff.. and for three weeks, I shy'd away… and still He pursued me. Different churches, different podcasts all talking about the same thing… one would think it would plunge into my fear.. and yet it took some time for me to get there. I got there… oh the patience of my God as He waited…waited for me to be ready… to be sick and tired of being sick and tired. He gets me every time… there are things and people who are irresistible to my heart almost instantaneously- brussels sprouts, cookie butter, chocolate milk, my best friend Meagan… the list is more than that… but that is the tip of the ice-burg. However, the all time irresistible anything to my heart is my God. In pain, in joy, in the mountain top moments, in the fire… still He is irresistible. So, three weeks later, I jumped… I jumped off of the cliff…. and you know what, as scary and fear filled as I thought the jump would be, it feels pretty great. So, what does ninja-kicking my fear look like these days- cliff jumping when I want to relax on the cliff… sending a humbling email to someone I didn't follow through on a commitment to, and seeing my fear and calling it out whether I allow it to take control or I take control in that moment, I'm calling it out… and seeing the strength of my muscles grow as I fight it… and I'm determined to do a little more ninja kicking and a little less being strangled, suffocated, and paralyzed.
In Exodus, there is this pretty great verse in chapter 14 verse 14 that says- "The Lord will fight for you; you need only be still." Beautiful, right? Powerful? Absolutely… I have seen my Lord do that for me. I have seen and experiencing Him fighting for me even in moments I did not even know I needed to be fought for. Lately, however, I'm experiencing a twist- what does it look like for me to fight for Him? What does it look like to show the enemy that I want Him more than I want what culture throws in my face that I want? What if I show Him I want Him that I want Him through generosity more than consumerism? What if I show Him I want to go on date nights with Him and fall deeply in love with Him as I await Him to awaken a love story with a fellow one day? What if I fight for Him when I choose love in my words instead of giving into gossip? What if I fight for Him as I choose humility when it would be so easy to boost my pride?
Even since a little girl, I've said I don't want to just have God as my Best Friend…. I want to be His friend where He feels at home. I am not about to debate the theology of that, but He created us for relationship. He created us because He WANTED a world with us…He didn't need us… He WANTED us… and chose us… "as we were busy hating God, He was busy loving us."… It's time, its time for me to fight for Him- when its messy, uncomfortable, awkward, uncommon, confusing, and when I don't think I'm worthy of it… my worth is found in Him… and I refuse to allow anything to keep me from fighting for my God!
On a fun and random note, 8 Sand Volleyball games later, I feel every single muscle in my body. Oy. Oh Oh Oh so worth it… but Oh my.
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