transitioning....

Transitioning is awkward. I feel like the sooner I can embrace that, the soon I can just relish in the awkwardness. It sometimes feels like culture shock that never goes away. I know that it is a season...and yet, it still feels like its been forever.  There have been moments of refreshing-ness. Moments where I talk to a friend and I feel like me. Moments where I feel my heart rest even for a few minutes. Moments where I feel myself being lifted off into a God orchestrated story.  A story that only he can create.  And then there are moments I feel all alone.  And then there are moments where I feel the presence of God closer than I could ever comprehend.  I know I'm supposed to be here.  I still don't fully comprehend the details of the why, but every time I make myself choose to linger with Jesus, He shows up. Sometimes at my most vulnerable moment. Sometimes to make me smile.  Sometimes when I need to be challenged.  Sometimes when He's decided that its time for healing.

Tonight looks completely different than I anticipated it to look this morning.  And yet... I love when He challenges me and calls me to a higher level.  When I feel like a spiritual rock climber and all I can do is believe that as I take the risk to get to that next rock, despite what my muscles, my brain, or even my heart says...that if I can't make it...that if I miss it...He's got me. He's belaying this adventure.  He knows what my heart needs...He knows what will bring my heart to a brand new place of rootedness in Him. He knows and He's aware of every detail of who I am.  So, that's why i'm risking it all...that's why I've chosen to take the risk and get away from all of the comfortableness of my beloved Kentucky and drive 598 miles to Kansas City, Missouri and engage in this journey.  I don't have all the answers.  I'm learning... daily...hourly... and minute by minute.  I've surrendered all that I thought this would look like and I've chosen to yield to His itinerary and I'm ready... I'm leaning on Him.. a lot more tears pouring forth than in years past, but I'm "trusting Him with ALL my heart, not leaning onto what I can see or understand about this adventure... and with everything I am, have, and need I am leaning into my Beloved and the whispers of His heart knowing that He will direct the way." My life is a film. I am the leading lady and He is my director. Sometimes I get a little creative and try out something new, or even share my perspective.... all the while realizing that His eye is on the big picture and He sees what I can barely comprehend. So, I trust... when I don't understand what He is doing... when I don't see how He's going to do it... I trust.  "my strength in life is I am Yours." **