random KC fact... i think I like Kansas better than Missouri. I think that there is this country element there that reminds me of my dear Kentucky.
*So, I feel the lyrics of this song echo forth some of what God might have had up His sleeve bringing me here... this crazy Kansas City adventure...
"I Will Waste My Life" by: Misty Edwards
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I will waste my life I'll be tested and tried
With no regrets inside of me to find I'm at Your feet
I'll leave my father's house and I'll leave my mother
I'll leave all I have known and I'll have no other
I am in love with You There is no cost
I am in love with You There is no loss
I am in love with You I want to take Your name
I am in love with You I want to cling to You Jesus
Just let me cling to You Jesus
I'll say goodbye to my father my mother
I'll turn my back on every other love and
I'll press on yes I'll press on
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It's hard...some days are harder than others. And yet, when Jesus whispers in my heart that all He wants is to be with me, it makes the difficulty and loneliness worth it. Truly.
Confession: today, I felt Jesus wanted me to step out and do something... a hard something, and I did not want to do it...it's been quite a while since I felt this strongly for not doing something. I didn't do it. He's given me another chance to do what He is asking. I know that He knows better than I do... but oh goodness, I really don't want to do it.
FEAR...why does fear seem to seep into our lives so easily. And when fear does seep in, it grows, festers, and gets worse. "Perfect love casts out all fear" ... "Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God..is with you" ... "Fear Not" ... "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of love, power, and a sound mind"... i know the truths of fear and yet i so easily allow it within my heart and life. Disgusting.
So... I have intentions... the follow through...this, this is what I'm fighting for. Like, a six pack by Christmas. A girly six pack (and yes, I mean ab's) *smile*... I have wanted it since I was 15. So, here I go. I'm going to do it...it's not going to be easy. This I know, but I have to fight, I want to fight for it. Also, a deeper, rooted, intimate depth in my relationship with Jesus. I want this loneliness, this season of not really having community around me to thrust me into the arms of my God. Not just a scheduled amount of time... but to run to him, to listen, to want to just be with Jesus. Not being I have to, or need to, but sheerly because I need to and there's no where else I would rather be.
I do wonder why in the world I chose Kansas City for this adventure. And yet, I see, I see glimpses that being here may not be about Kansas City as much as my heart's response and my heart relationship with my Jesus.
Another thing... I was talking with my Mom and came up with an idea to church hop. And not just to find a church I like and want to be apart of. But intentionally going to different churches and denominations. Ummm...okay I went to spell denominations and it came out demoninations.... maybe it was just my funky typing ability or maybe it's a Holy Spirit wake up call to allow small differences to divide us. To divide the Bride of Christ based on different perspectives. One of my best friends has one of the best visuals to explain perspective. The water bottle illustration- I may be seeing the nutrition facts and ingredients and you may be seeing the logo... we're looking at the same bottle, with just different perspective. So, this is the idea: to go to different churches each week with the intention to learn about what that denomination believes. To go prepared and studied up, and then to come back and blog or digest it. It's like Bible School lived out loud *smile*.... Interesting, eh? Hmm... i guess we'll see *smile*... I really, really like this idea... it could have massive purpose to it!
"i don't care what they say, I'm in love with you"
Jesus, everything makes sense when I'm with you. I trust you to light the path... to lead.. to guide. I'm clinging to you! Because I want to.
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