monday's are so strange not working the morning/lunch shift... i awoke after having a few strange dreams... had some breakfast, washed my bed linens, and i have just finished some random leaf raking... and my thoughts were alive.
i've noticed a trend here in kansas city...and i don't know if i just never realized this because this community is tremendously different than any other community that i have been a part of. i will not go into details of good or bad different. i'm just going to stick with different.
people don't trust people very well. kids do, which i love. serving a family at brio, i'll have a table where the kids start telling me their life story as their parents are trying to quiet them. i love the honesty of kids. perhaps it is because i feel the same way. i trust people easily. even multiple times after going through a situation that might have caused a callous. somehow, i continue to trust people. i've always been aware of this difference, but it seems illuminated in situations. i've actually had people tell me in a situation that they don't trust me. i've had people tell me a cryptic story that questions me to wonder why. why are they even speaking cryptically. is it because i've been as genuine as possible and now they feel like they have to. i'd rather have nothing than cryptic, just to be nice ness.. yuck...
there have been moments however with other people where there have been shared moments of honesty and it's been beautiful. to see how a girl who was outright mean to me when i first moved here turn and share honest moments asking for me to be praying with her. it's beautiful.
my heart feels funny now. i was talking with my best friend on the phone last night, it was a conversation of beautiful honesty, vulnerability, and trusting each other. she was sharing moments how you can now understand a mindset, feeling that in the past would have been abstract. my newest one has been. i understand how people walk away from God- not because of God, hating him, but because of His people. my experience with christians has not always been pleasant...this verse sums it up perfectly...
"the watchmen found me as they made their rounds in the city. They beat me, they bruised me; they took away my cloak, those watchmen of the walls." song of songs 5.7
it's been a battle to keep my heart soft...to keep my "cold heart before the blazing fire of Jesus"(Mike Bickle).. bitterness is trying so hard to attach itself to my heart, but no...that is not okay with me. I refuse to allow the chains of others to chain me, to callous me, to beat me down.
hi. my name is amy schulz and i trust people easily. i will continue to love those around me without fear. i will continue to walk in wisdom when people i trust break that trust. i will continue to stand without offense. i will continue to walk in joy despite this crazy world. i choose Jesus and His love and will not submit to the patterns of this world. i choose to fight for my relationship with Jesus that He will be able to flow through me. amen.
if this is ranting, i am sorry... i just want to be genuine and share the good with the rough parts of the adventure... because trailblazing isn't always easy...especially when you are going somewhere without many...and when you choose a path that's hard when you see an easier one. kingdom is worth it. for Jesus to be glorified fully is worth it...
on a fantastic note, EIGHT days until i get to go home for Christmas!!!! It is thrilling and mind blowingly exciting!! i get to go and be with those whom i deeply love, spend time with them, share Jesus' birthday with them (i love birthday's!), and let down my hair and just be me with those who know me best. I don't care what i do, i just want to be with those i love. *smile*
Christmas! Such a beautiful time of year!!! We've had 1 and half snow's... the half was a day of some snowflakes, but nothing substantial at all...
i love Jesus. true story.
on a random note: yesterday, i felt beautiful. You know those days where you look in the mirror and see your beauty. Well, that day for me was yesterday and it was quite lovely and fantastic.... *smile*...
well, i must proceed forward into my day, but i shall do it with the childlikeness that God created with me and choosing to love...regardless *smile*
ps...i'm so ruined for Jesus...*smile*.... true story!!!!
Anthem Lights: Can't Get Over You!!!
No comments:
Post a Comment