"Just trust me…"

Yesterday morning, I was journaling, reading the Bible, and seeking my God… I was fighting for my time with the God. I was hecka distracted and incredibly stir crazy. We had some ice and snow in Nashville in a way this city was not prepared for. Things were cancelled and so, I stayed. For wisdom, for relaxation… for a slower pace. So…. I'm studying, talking to Jesus, processing, sharing, and then I paused… and He. Spoke. I never could have guessed what was coming. He brought this picture that my sister posted on Instagram to my mind:

He then began to talk to me about a dream that was born in my heart my senior year of high school. He showed me I had been clinging to and suffocating it. It's not that it's a bad dream and He told me that its not about him giving the dream back to me or not, but that I had to hold it open handed and trust if He didn't give it back.

There were tears. I did not want to let go. I like me with this dream. I like the possibility of this dream. He showed me I even began to define my identity as a result of this dream. I DID NOT want to let go. It felt like He was taking a piece of me. I just finished the book "Scary Close" by Donald Miller. A book that challenged, inspired, and encouraged me onward as I whispered "me too"…. because this book was so fresh in my mind and heart, I was open to this conversation with Jesus. I still did not want to let go. The only reason I finally released my grasping fingers was Him. I. Trust. Him. I trust Him. I don't understand so many times the why but I know His heart for me and that I can trust His love over me. I trust that if He doesn't give me this dream back there is great purpose. I trust His ways. I trust Him. So, I let go. I do not know what it will look like and it scares me. But then, I catch His gaze. I fix my eyes on His over me and I know that He is worth it. He. Is. Worth. It.