I. Didn't. Run.

Hi, my name is Amy and I am a runner who does not trust cars when I run. On Monday, I almost got hit by a car. The only way I can explain not getting hit is my amazing, incredible guardian angels. I think I have two. One who in my mind looks and acts like Eowyn from Lord of the Rings…. I think of this because I think the warrior, spirit of me looks and acts like Eowyn…. And the other is a man who has enough muscle power to protect me in my clumsy moments but not too much muscle because I am not the girl who goes weak in the knees for a man with muscles. I have other things in a man that make me "weak in the knees." Anywayssss, I digress…. I am so thankful for my angels and God's protection.

So, I was on a run today thinking and shocked by how close I was to that craziness. My mind thought about where I am and where my heart has been and what it is currently experiencing. Almost 72 hours without tears…. until writing this post at least….Holy Spirit captivated my thoughts and reminded me of who I used to be. I am a feeler, naturally. I feel what people are going through and am super aware as to the atmosphere around me which I believe is and will continue to be a strength within social work. When it was at its immature stage in my early twenties, I would feel so much, I didn't know what to do so I would run. I do not mean- go for a run, because running had not won my heart yet. I remember one time I was in downtown Cincinnati at the incredible WEBN Labor Day fireworks with a group of friends and also with what literally felt like the whole city of Cincinnati---- A LOT of people, oh, but the fireworks make navigating the crowds more than worth it. So, I got into one of these emotional moods and ran--- I disappeared off by myself, I just had to get away--- this was before the time of everyone having a cell phone and I scared my sister so much because she didn't know where I was. Another time, I was with my first love and friends at the same WEBN Labor Day fireworks and a conversation he had with me sent me into an emotional whirlwind to such a degree that I ran again. He did chase me down, somehow found me, and we talked everything through.  A man in my life who is like my brother, Danny, climbed on my parents roof to make me talk to him in the middle of one of the times I ran to my room drowning from emotions. I wouldn't let anyone in, but Danny got through.

Now,  I can barely remember who that girl is. Its not me. I have developed an emotional maturity and a healthy response to any whirlwind. I completely forgot about this until Holy Spirit showed me today. Sometimes you don't know you are healed until a situation presents itself and you act differently.  My heart has been hurting this past week ..really bad. I didn't go to school because I knew I would have physically been there but in every other way, I would not have. I have not felt heart pain like this for yearsssssss, but I didn't run. I stood in the tension, I talked everything through, I communicated, I fought. I didn't run.

I. Didn't. Run.