Running 100%, 200%, and 300% revelation as I reflect on thirty before thirty turns to thirty-one…..

Almost two weeks ago, I received a letter. In that letter, a person in my life revealed some very honest truths. I am glad because there was mention about not telling me for six months to a year down the road. After reading that letter and a follow up conversation, I was sent into a tornado of pain. A tornado where I felt betrayed by someone I considered to be a friend….all for completely selfish reasons. The aftermath lasted about twenty-four hours and then was zapped away. The days that followed were filled with prayer, processing, a lot of journalling and talking to God I found that there were a variety of emotions I needed to walk through to heal and move on. Forgiveness that had to be chosen-- over and over and over. It seems from my end this person does not think they did anything wrong. I have though chosen to forgive and to be kind and loving as a friend. I have chosen to go against what some might have chosen in my position. I have chosen not to abandon this person.  "Love is kind." I have lived out that reality and made that choice when the hurt I have been processing through made me not want to. On my run today, I felt Holy Spirit encourage me that He trusted me enough to put me in the middle of this situation. He trusted that my foundation on Him could endure the storm. I was nearly brought to tears in the midst of this conversation with Holy Spirit. The God of heaven and earth… my Creator… my Lord… my Savior… the Lover of my Soul… my Best Friend… trusted me and our relationship that he could use me in this person's life. He knew what would happen. And yet, the unexpected effect is that this whole situation created a make shift clinic for me to realize where my heart is. To realize the emotions and feelings I had been seeking… Had I not walked through the aforementioned situation, God could not have used it to reveal my hearts feelings. *smile*…. I do not know what the future will hold with that… it is out of my control, but can I just say how amazing and incredible our God is who can take these ashes and the rubble of this tornado and bring such a beauty that is unfathomable. Wow. I am amazed.

Running revelation----- Holy Spirit was teaching me about strengths and weaknesses. I had an as always fun, hilarious, and deep conversation with my Dad before I went to work. He is being a Dad and he cares so, he and many other people keep asking me about what my life will look like after graduation. Which if I could put a news bulletin out to the world to stop asking me, I would! I don't know.. I don't. I have ideas, dreams, thoughts, wonderings… but I don't know. I didn't know I would be in this spot right now. I thought I'd be graduating with a nursing degree from NKU marrying my first boyfriend. I in fact am graduating with a social work degree from MTSU and the love part is out and about. *smile*… I trust the leadings of God, but I don't know..yet. So, Dad mentions that when he was graduating college, you could be a professor as a grad student and work alongside a professor and teach as you get your masters. To which I responded that that is something I do not know if I would want to do. Because teaching is not my strength. At. All. I have been engaging in this weakness through teaching at GIRLS Ranch, but it is still far from my strength. And so, on my run today, Holy Spirit begins to teach me about being in your strength element and how you don't need necessarily the God factor….whereas, if you are operating within your weakness, the need increases! Dare I say it becomes a sense of "God, if you don't intervene, I may not make it"… a sort of beautiful desperation. He then taught me this as I had already run seven miles in ninety-some degree weather and was tired and quite sparkly sweaty. He dared me to run and told me the point to start. I then, ran and the first time, he instructed me to give it my 100% past the point I could physically feel ..sharing that this was practice on a physical running area for what he has ahead --- And so, I pushed past what I was feeling into where I was relying on His strength and what He could do in and through me … He then told me the point I could stop. We did this for 200% and then 300%…. He began to share with me that there is a point where the possible and the impossible meet and if we allow ourselves to embrace and settle into the weakness where He is literally the only way we can meet a goal, do something, or see something come into reality, that, that is where He is glorified and we can bring the impossible to reality.

In 2 days, I will be thirty-one. I am excited! I love love love love birthday's! I am excited about mine! It leads me though to think about this past year of life. I must say, my year thirty has definitely been one of my favorites. And yet, I am excited for 31 and all this year holds. Graduation being exciting… and I can only begin to imagine the other surprises God has within this upcoming year….

Reflecting on 30…..

the best thirtieth birthday celebration! summer of thirty!

                                                                     
                                                                          fall of thirty!

                                                                   winter of thirty!

spring of thirty!

summer of thirty…. pre thirty-one….

(top: almost thirty-one)  (bottom: newly thirty)

There was Grenada, SSR, The Grand Ole Opry, Deans List at MTSU, finding a teaching groove at GIRLS Ranch, love, betrayal, new job, JEF, losing friends, gaining friends, my first adult cavity, laughter, tears, deepening quality friendships, feeling comfortable in my own skin, depth in my intimacy and relationship with God… 

That was then… thirty-one is on the horizon… with a year ahead that needs to be written with love, adventure, depth… it's going to be great!