hope***

Singleness is not a disease. In our couples culture, it is easy to forget this. It's true. It can be a really really good thing. I can say that as a thirty-one year old who has been single the majority of my life. It's not a bad thing. I had a friend break it off with a long-term boyfriend and as she was telling about she shared that she knew she had to do it a long time but that she didn't want to go back to dating and being single as she said single with an "yuck" sound effect. Two months ago I may not have understand what she was feeling, but I feel the emotion. I get it, I understand why people settle. It's hard… to be vulnerable, to put your heart out there and risk. It's hard to keep believing and hoping when that hope is getting beaten around. It's worth it. But oh my, it's hard. 

Husband, I'm not giving up on you. I have hope. For us, for our story… for our story that is a nuclear explosion of Kingdom and love the way our God dreamed. ****

We cannot lose hope, single ones, we can't give up. I'm in the stage of life where some of my dearest friends are getting engaged, married, babies upon babies upon babies, buying houses… and I get to see and share their beautiful pictures and stories…. and you know what, I am genuinely happy for them-- deeply. I love going to weddings and sharing their love. I love seeing and holding their babies. I love hearing the love stories…. the stories about their kids and what goofiness they are up to or the newest adventure in raising kids. I rejoice and I don't get discouraged in those moments… if anything, it stirs up hope for that season…. because you know what, even if the human being sexy man of God love of my life finds me and pursues me when I'm in my 40's, 50's, 60's, 70's, 80's, 90's or 100's…. he'll still be worth the wait. There is a part of me that hopes that it is in my 30's…. but I'm not giving up. *smile*

And ladies and gentlemen, that hope is linked to far more than a relationship… it goes into dreams, passions, and the adventures of life…….

There is this conversation on Grey's Anatomy where Cristina and Meredith are talking about their lives and Cristina shares that Meredith's life looks different because "its filled with houses and husbands and kids." And then she continues with "… and mine looks the same, but I am not. I've changed." There is something so beautiful about that. Because I am not the same girl I was last year, I saw a picture of me in January and barely recognized that girl. I have changed… A LOT… despite my relationship status, college, job, and city consistencies…. and yet, I have grown… and I'm going to keep growing… and letting God use the process of life, His revelation, my heart and the feelings that sometimes surprise me that he shows me within my heart… I think in singleness, this is easy to forget, but even when we don't have anyone to witness our lives on a day in, day out basis…. there are sometimes with my schedule I don't see my roommates for days…. but He's there. Even on my run today, as I was turning around to cross the road, this all culminated as a train (like the one on the incredible movie "Unstoppable") came charging towards me on the tracks…. I was on a trail away from the tracks (FYI)… but it was so close and it was a sweet, "Amy girl, I'm with you" from my Jesus … or the way he knows how much I absolutely love sunsets and in the middle of a crazy Saturday, I walk up to my section and look out the door and the gorgeous majestic-ness of the sunset leaves me breathless. These as Shannon Nicole says, kisses from Jesus are amazing, incredible and remind me that I am loved.

On a completely random note, on my run, I remember an amazing, incredible, beautiful lady whom I love and adore telling me when I lived in Kentucky that it might take a man in my life, my future husband to tell me that I am beautiful for me to believe it. I honestly think that if I don't believe I am beautiful now, I don't think I would believe it if my husband told me. Obviously, this is pure theory, but just a thought. 

This weekend, a man opened fire in a theater in Louisiana. It really has me thinking about the brokenness of our world…. and yet, this I know, when I hear about that or the man who opened fire on two military bases with more in mind than what occurred…. or ISIS…. or at my international social work summer class where, on Thursday, I learned about female genitilia mutiliation circumcision…. The light is the only thing that can cast off the darkness.. The only thing. There is no Plan B…. I want to be so full of God….. his truth, love, grace, kindness….. that I am merely an echo…. as I follow his voice, that I can be a megaphone of His truth. Oh that I will have the courage and bravery to speak what needs to be spoken. To a world who sees and knows a lot of brokenness but has not encouraged the one their soul craves… the one who can fill the broken empty places and inject hope. Hope.